Riley and Devin

Chapter Thirty-Three

"It's really not a problem, I can take the couch," Ellie says. We have a slight problem with sleeping arrangements, two beds and one couch and there's five people.

"It's fine, I'd rather take the couch." I can't sleep next to Devin. I can't dream about him and then wake up next to him.

"No, no, I'll take the couch. You and Devin can share a bed and Nick and Theo can share a bed," Ellie says.

"Then it's settled," Devin says.

"Okay then," I say. I grab a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. "I'm going to take a shower. Go now or forever hold your peace," I say. No one says anything so I walk into the bathroom. I crank the water up as hot as it will go. I take strip down to bra and underwear. I place my hands on the sink and look in the mirror.

How can I love Devin?

But I know how.

I brush my teeth and step into the shower. It's relaxing, with the steam and the nice soap. I feel relaxed when I'm finished. I grab my clothes and walk out. Devin's next to shower.

I stick my earbuds in and pull out one of my books. It's easy to get lost in, easy to forget about my life. A while later Devin taps me on my shoulder. I jump. "Hey, everyone's asleep. Is it okay if I turn the light off?" he asks me. I nod and look at my watch, it's 12:30. I've been reading for a couple of hours.

He turns the light off and I take my earbuds out and put my stuff away. I roll onto my side facing the window. I feel him climb under the covers next to me. I feel chest pressed against my back and legs against mine. I feel his arms wrap around me and his face pressed against my neck.

It isn't fair.

He can touch me, like nothing ever happened, but I'll be hyper aware of it. And he can keep on going about life, our friendship, like nothing ever happened. I'll make it somehow. Maybe, just maybe.

I wake up at 6:30. Everyone is still sleeping, including Devin who's chest I'm tucked against. I slip out of his embrace and grab my swimsuit. I walk into the bathroom and try not to make any sounds as I change into my swimsuit and grab shampoo and soap so I can use the shower by the pool. I grab my phone and throw on a t-shirt.

I slip out of the room and head down to the pool.I put my stuff on a chair and slip off my shirt. There's no one else in the pool. I dive in and swim to the other end of the pool. I tread water, then float on my back.

I swim to the bottom of the deep end and stay underwater for as long as I can. I do this a couple more times before I swim laps. After I'm done with laps I sit down in the hot tub. I let myself not not think for ten minutes. I just focus on my breathing and the water.

I pull myself out of the hot tub and walk over to where my stuff is and then over to the bathroom. I put my stuff in a dry corner and lock the door. I start the shower and slip out of my bathing suit. I step under the water and wash my hair and my skin of chlorine

Maybe today will be okay. Maybe I'll be able to act normal around Devin, without acting. Maybe I'll be okay.

I stop the shower and towel off, trying to squeeze all of the after out of my hair before I change into jeans, a shirt and an oversize sweatshirt.

I grab the blow dryer that I shoved in my bag and after fifteen minutes my hair is dry. I shove all of the stuff into my bag and I walk to the breakfast buffet. I get a bagel, yogurt with granola, and some pastries. I also get fruit and a coffee. I guess I should've had something to eat before I went swimming. I sit down at a table and out my bag on the chair next to me. I look around trying to see who else is here when a dark head catches my eye.

Please don't be Devin. The dark head turns around and it's Theo. He waves me over and I grab all of my stuff. I walk over to his table. "I didn't know that you were an early riser," Theo says.

"I'm not, at least not usually. I went swimming," I tell him. I take a couple bites of my bagel and sip my coffee.

"So, what should we do today? I know Ellie wanted to go shopping at the mall," he says.

"Sure," I say.

"Are you okay?" he asks me.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" This seems to be my catchphrase recently.

"You just seem a little bit quiet, more reserved. Did something happen?" Theo says, he always seems to notice everything.

"Nothing happened," I tell him. I eat the rest of my yogurt. I take a drink of my coffee and eat one of the little pastries. "Is anyone else up?" I ask him.

"No, they were all passed out. Except Devin might have started to stir. Or he was moaning in his sleep. I don't know what he dreams about," Theo says, shaking his head. I start laughing.

"Your sister seems nice," I tell him.

"Yeah, she's a good kid," Theo says. He takes a drink of his coffee.

"Does she also harbor a coffee addiction?" I ask him.

"Yep, everyone in my family does," he tells me. Devin walks over to where we are. He yawns and stretches. "Why, hello sleeping beauty," Theo says.

Devin makes a half hearted swipe at Theo. "I'm gonna get food," Devin says. I hand him my coffee cup and he takes it. He walks away and Theo laughs.

"But seriously, what do you think he dreams about?" Theo asks me. I laugh and Devin walks over. He hands me my coffee and takes a seat next to me. "So, we're going shopping today," Theo tells Devin. Devin groans. I kick him under the table and he pretends to smile.

"Why are we going shopping?" he whines.

Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.

"Because my sister wants to," Theo says.

"Well, I don't want to. Shouldn't that count for something?" Devin asks.

"No, you're not my younger sibling," Theo says. Devin rolls his eyes and starts to eat his food, which is chocolate milk, sugary cereal, pastries and then a small plate of fruit.

"Since when do you eat fruit?' I ask Devin.

"I don't, I got it for you," Devin says as he shoves the fruit at me. I grab a strawberry and toss it at Devin's forehead. He pops the strawberry in his mouth. I roll my eyes.

"What stores do you want to hit?" Theo asks. Devin stares at him blankly. "What? I'm trying to figure out a game plan."

"I'm just going to go to a cafe or a bookstore. But I think Devin wants to go into Victoria's Secret or Pink," I say.

"You can't drag me into that shit," Devin says.

"He likes to look at the pictures," I tell Theo. Theo shakes his head disapprovingly. Devin flushes red. Nick and Ellie walk over. They get food and pull up chairs.

"We're going to the mall," Theo tells his sister. She squeals.

"I love the mall," she says. I try not to roll my eyes.

"Devin will take you into Victoria's Secret or Pink," I tell her. Her nose wrinkles.

"A: I don't like that store. And B: That would make you a perverted asshole," Ellie says, pointing a finger at Devin. I start laughing. I like his sister more and more. Nick and Ellie finish eating.

We take a cab to the mall.