Riley and Devin

Chapter Sixty-Eight

The days have been ticking by. Landon and I spend all of our time together talking and kissing and swimming. He's good for me. I like him. I'm also happy with him. We have today, tomorrow and then I leave.

I haven't told him anything else about Devin and he hasn't asked. But I'm ready now. "Hey, can we talk?" I ask Landon. He nods. He follows me out to the pool in our backyard. I stick my legs in and stare at the water.

"What's up?" he asks me.

"I-I'm ready to tell you about Devin," I say, my eyes flick up to his.

"Okay," he says.

"I don't know where to start," I say.

"Start at the beginning," he says.

"The beginning, beginning?" I ask him. He nods. I take a deep breath in.

"Devin and I met on the first day of kindergarten. I wore ribbons in my hair and he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye. We didn't get along very well, he used to steal my animal crackers and we got in a couple of fights. Anyways the principal said that we had to get along, and that we had to do everything together. So we did. And by first grade we were best friends." Landon smiles.

"Go on," he says.

"I...I guess I didn't really notice much until a little while ago. He started to act a bit different. He spent more time with me and was a bit more possessive. But I just assumed it was because of his parents. Their marriage was falling apart. His dad used to drink a lot, and he got violent sometimes. But mainly at Devin. Devin has and an older brother, Nick, who's about ten years older than him and is also gay and happily married. So things at his home had gotten bad," I say.

"That sucks," Landon says. His hand squeezes mine reassuringly.

"Yeah, so my home became his. He was always with me and never with his family. I started to date this one guy, Alex and Alex had just moved in across the street. And Alex was my first boyfriend, my first kiss. And Devin was a bit more distant, mad, jealous even. I didn't want to see it though. So we kind of drifted apart and then something really terrible happened. His dad shoved his mom and his mom fell and hit her head. She had a brain bleed and had to go to surgery immediately. Devin was the one that found her and by that point his dad was long gone," I say.

"So, I rushed to Devin's side. His brother and the brother's husband came. We lived in her room. It took a while for her to regain some function. But she ended up being okay. Anyways Theo and Nick wanted to reward us by taking us to Florida for spring break. So we went. And then Devin and I kissed for the first time. After the kiss I realized that I liked him, romantically. And a couple of days later I realized that I actually loved him. We kissed a couple of more times and then he gave me a locket," I tell Landon.

"Okay," he says.

"And the locket said Thank you. It also had a piece of ribbon from when we were little kids. And a couple of days later I was playing with the ribbon and I found another set of engraved words: You'll Always Have My Heart. And so I decided I would tell him. Because the necklace, a gold heart shaped locket, was basically his way of telling me that he loved me. So I thought I'd tell him," I say, I don't look Landon. It's a bit embarrassing to be spilling my guts out to him about Devin.

"I think anyone would have assumed that," Landon says.

"Yeah, the day of Senior Graduation Devin got into a fight with my boyfriend, Alex. And by fight I mean he jumped Alex and beat the shit out of him, twice. But after that we went to his house and that's when I told him. He said that he wanted to get laid. And the locket? Just a screw up. He wanted it to say: You're A Great Friend. And then he said a couple of other things, so I ripped the necklace off my neck and threw it out the window. I said 'Fuck you' a couple of times and then I ran off, vomited and came here." It feels good to get it all of my chest.

"Damn, I'm sorry Riley," he says. I look at him.

"It's okay. I'm okay, I've moved on," I say, it's mainly true.

"Come here," he says. Put my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

"I think you should understand that I don't hate Devin," I tell him.

"What do you mean?" Landon asks me. He's not judging me.

"I've tried to hate him. But I don't. It's not his fault he doesn't love me-well, maybe a little-but you don't really get to pick who you love. And I don't hate him for not loving me," I tell Landon. He kisses my forehead.

"You're really amazing you know that? Whoever you end up with is going to be a very lucky guy," Landon tells me.

"Thanks. Whatever girl you end up with is also going to be very lucky," I tell him.

"I'm going to grab a blanket and then we can lay under the stars," he says. I nod and we both stand up. After the pool, there's a grassy field. I wait there.

Landon walks back. He spreads the blanket out on the grass. We both lay down. I have my head on his chest and he has his arms around me.

We kiss and we talk for hours.

We end up falling asleep on the blanket.

It's perfect.