Riley and Devin

Chapter Sixty-Five

I pull on my dress and zip up the back of it. It's a light brown and has thin straps. The brown color goes well with my blondish brown hair. I put on a strapless bra. I slide on my heels and then apply some of my lipgloss.

I have a date with Devin. We're going to dinner. It's our first technical date. The dress goes down about mid thigh and shows off my legs nicely. I spray perfume and then take one last look at myself. My hair is braided into a Dutch side braid, I have light eyeliner and gold eyeshadow and then a raspberry lipstick. I all downstairs and wait outside for Devin.

He pulls up and I hop in his car. "Hey," I say.

"Hey," he says. He's wearing khakis and a dark blue dress shirt that makes his eyes pop. His hair is it's usual mess and he seems to have put on extra cologne tonight. I can't say I'm complaining.

"You look sexy," he says. I blush and look down.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I say. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, trying to be as close to him as possible. He move his hand to lace with mine and I shiver. We can touch each other freely now. His thumb traces patterns in my palm.

I keep sneaking glances at him out of the corner of my eye. He looks at me shamelessly. "Our reservation is at eight and it's six thirty," Devin tells me.

"Oh, so did you have something else planned?" I ask him.

"I think we could find something to do, don't you?" he asks. I bite my lip and peer up at him through my eyelashes.

"Well, what'd you have in mind?" I ask him. He looks at me. And I look at him. I move the hand not holding his, to run up and down his arm.

"Damn," he mutters. He pulls off into a rest stop. "Let's take a walk," he says. I get out of the car and meet him on his side of the car.

"How far away is the restaurant from here?" I ask him.

"Fifteen minutes," Devin says. We start walking. I slip off my heels and dangle them in my hands. Devin and I sit down on a bench. Our legs are pressed together. His hand takes out the rubber binder at the end of my braid.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"I'm taking your hair out," he tells me. His hands undo my braid and then slip through my hair. I lean into him without realizing it.

"Are you going to do it?" I ask him. I turn to face him.

"Do what?" Devin asks me innocently. He keeps one hand in my hair and other hand brushes my thigh. He hikes my dress up.

"Kiss me," I say. And then his lips are against mine. My hands slip into his hair and then under his shirt. His hands grip my hips and he pulls me into his lap. I press myself closer to him. His hands are everywhere at once.

I open my mouth wider and try to be absorbed into him. Everywhere he's touching me feels on fire. I feel alive. We can't seem to get enough of each other. We're pressing closer and closer, kissing harder.

He pulls his mouth away from mine and kisses my neck. I tangle my hands in his hair and arch myself as close to him as I can. His lips trail down my neck to my collarbone and then he pulls back and smiles. "I have to say, I really am liking your perfume. But I like your dress even more because you can go like this," Devin says.

He pushes the strap of my dress down. And then he kisses me where it was. I pull his lips back to mine and kiss him.

And we kiss and we kiss and we kiss.

The dream fades and silent tears stream down my face. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

It's not real.

Devin and I will never go on a date. We'll never kiss. We'll never do any of that ever again. Never.

I creep out of bed and down the hall to TJ's room. I nudge the door open and crawl into the bed next to him. He shifts. "What's wrong?" TJ asks me.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I just-I just had a dream," I say.

"About Devin?" he asks me.

"Yeah," I say.

"What happened?" TJ asks.

"We were on our first date. I still had my natural hair color and we were driving to the place for dinner. We were both dressed up and then we pulled over at a rest top and then we went for a walk and then we weren't walking because we were kissing. And we just kissed and it was great," I say.

"Do you think it has something to do with the fact that you're going to go on a date with Landon?" TJ asks me.

"Yeah," I say, "You know, I tried. I tried so hard to get over Devin, but what If I can't, TJ? What if I can't? I cried and I've been sad and I've tried to forget him, but he's haunting me. He's haunting me. I can't get rid of him. I see him everywhere. He's always there. I can't get over him. I'm not going to be able to get him out of my head. Out of my heart."

"It's okay. You genuinely loved him. You loved him fully and you loved him properly. You might not be able to get rid of his ghost, but at least you loved someone so remarkably. Some people go their entire lives without ever having found the love that you found. So it's okay if he haunts you. At least you loved him," TJ says. I wipe away some tears.

"Thanks, you're really a lot better off without talking in a street accent. You not nearly as stupid as you look," I say. He smiles and nods.

"What's it like?" TJ asks me.

"What's what like?"

"What's it like to love someone romantically?" he asks.

"It's terrible. You cry and get emotional and shit. You get needy and you get consumed and obsessed. You can't stop thinking about that person and you can't breathe. Oh, and you get so fucking jealous. It's a bit ridiculous at times. But it's also worth it because when you're around that person you're entire world just aligns and makes sense. Oh, and kissing also feels amazing when it means something, at least to you. But yeah, you cry and get sad and depressed and self conscious. But it's worth it," I tell him. He nods. "I think I can go back to sleep now. Do you mind if I sleep here?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. I stay on top of the covers and he stays under. I fall into a dreamless sleep.