Riley and Devin

Chapter Fifty-Nine

 I like sleeping. When I sleep I don't have to think about anything. I forget everything and live in an endless dream where Devin and I are happy and in love.

It's a lot better than reality.

When I'm sleeping my chest doesn't hurt and I'm not in constant agony. My eyes don't well up with tears and I don't have to gasp, trying catch a breath that I can't because my heart's being squeezed to tight.

I don't have to think about all the painful things Devin said to me. I don't have to think about what I said to him. He isn't a ghost in my mind.

When I sleep it's easier.

And so I sleep and I sleep and I sleep.

Colin throws the door open and tromps through my room. "Get up," she tells me. I roll over. "Get up! You've been sleeping for three weeks, you don't get to sleep anymore!" she yells. I press myself closer to the wall. She slams the door and it gets thrown open. Someone steps on the bottom bunk and grabs my waist. I'm thrown over someone's shoulder.

Landon.

He sets me down gently in the shower and then turns the water on, full blast of coldness. I just sit there, taking it, glaring at him. He turns the water off and hands me a towel. I take it from him and sit in the bathtub. I stand up and walk back to my room. I hear Landon sigh and then lay down on the bottom bunk.

"What are you doing here?" I grumble down to him.

"I don't know," he says.

"What happened to you? Colin knows, but she's not telling us-mainly me," Landon says.

"It doesn't matter," I say.

"There has to be some reason why you're depressed," Landon says.

"I'm not depressed," I tell him.

"You are though. You show classic symptoms: Excessive sleeping, social isolation, mood swings, sadness, withdrawal from activities, fatigue, loss of appetite, excessive crying, agitation, irritability, and repeated thoughts," Landon tells me.

"Why do you care? And you can't know that I have repeated thoughts, or excessive crying," I say.

"You wake up saying or screaming 'Devin' and I hear you crying," he says. A pause, "Who even is Devin?"

"It doesn't matter," I tell him. He shifts on the bunk below me. "Why do you care so much?" I ask him.

"You're interesting," he says.

"Damaged or broken, that's what you mean," I say.

"I never said that," he says. "Colin's worried about you."

"Yeah," I say.

"You should get up," he says. I sigh and then nod. He opens the curtains and and light floods the room. He digs in my bag and hands me an underwear set, a pair of shorts and a shirt. "Take a shower and then come downstairs," he tells me. I nod. I walk to the bathroom and lock the door I take my time washing my hair. I use a lot of soap. It feels refreshing.

I change into my clothes and then walk downstairs. Colin smiles when she sees me. "Hey," she says.

"Hey," I say.

"Are you doing better?" she asks. I nod.

"A little bit," I tell her. Landon's sitting on the couch. I grab a yogurt from the fridge and a spoon. I sit down next to Landon on the couch, he smiles at me and we watch a marathon of Criminal Minds.

Colin sits down next to me. "I'm glad that you're doing better," she says. I nod. Landon orders a pizza. It comes a little while later.

"I bet I can eat more than you," Landon says grinning.

Devin said that. We even had an eating competition

"I-I I'm not hungry," I say and then I run up the stairs. I slam the door to my room and curl up on the ground, rocking back and forth. "No no no no no no no," I gasp, clutching my stomach.

It feels like someone's punched me in the stomach.

Tears stream down my face and I'm sobbing into the folds of one of Devin's shirts. Colin opens the door even though it was locked. She shuts the door and then sits down next to me.

"I'm guessing you and Devin had a pizza eating contest once," Colin says. I nod. "You really loved him, didn't you?" she asks. I look up.

"I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop the sadness," I tell her.

"It's going to take a while," she says. "Come on, you can sleep in my room," she says. I nod and follow her to her room. I lay down in her bed, a big king sized one with a thick comforter and lots of pillows. She crawls in next to me. "You should try to get some sleep." I nod.

I go back to my dream land.