Love Will Remember ❄︎ Camren

Chapter Eleven: I Don't Deserve Her

Charles Bukowski once said that, "We don't even ask happiness, just a little less pain." This is true, maybe happiness was just some sort of sick illusion and it doesn't really exist, but all Camila wanted was for the pain to be less.

The pain of having to live day by day without the one person she couldn't live without. Put yourself in her shoes. Have you ever loved someone so much that it physically hurt? And have you ever had that person snatched away from you and there was nothing that you could do but sit there like a spectator and watch them go? Painful, right?

It's been a little over two weeks since Lauren was in the coma. Christmas passed, New Year's, all the holidays that Camila wanted to spend together with her girlfriend had gone.

The brown eyed Latina, still visited Lauren every day, she felt as though if she didn't visit, that Lauren would be angry with her or somehow die during those hours she wasn't there.

Currently, she was getting ready to visit Lauren again. Without the girls, Camila would have completely neglected herself, she had been going to physical therapy to help with her hand and she had been eating; even if it meant that Dinah had to be hovering over her while she did it.

She had only experienced a few panic attacks since the one that sent her to her the hospital. But she had been in a constant funk ever since the accident.

There was a knock on her bedroom door and before she could even give a reply for the person to enter, Dinah barged in. "What you up to, Mila?" Dinah asked as she entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm getting ready to go see Lauren. It's what I always do at this hour. You know that, Cheechee," Camila said while looking at her friend and wondering what kind of question she just asked.

"Oh no you're not. As much as I love you and as much as I love Lauren, you can't keep spending your days there. We're going out, just you and me."

"I can't, Dinah! I have to go see Lauren! She needs me," the brown eyed girl said, her voice breaking at the end, but Dinah rolled her eyes.

"You seem to know what she needs, but not what you need," Camila cut her friend off.

"What I need is to go see my girlfriend, Dinah. I can't not go see her."

Dinah got up from the bed and approached her friend, "I'm not saying not to go visit her, Mila. I mean let's go out and do something and then you can go see her after. It's been a while since we hung out; since you did anything fun actually. I'm worried about you; all you ever do is sit in Lauren's hospital room. We're all worried about her, Mila but we have to continue our lives," she rested her hand on Camila's shoulder and gave her a slight squeeze.

Taking a deep breath, the Cuban looked at her friend, her eyes glistening with moisture, "I can't move on when she's my life, Cheechee. I..I love her. I can't lose her too. I..I just can't."

The Polynesian girl brought her friend into a hug, rubbing circles in her back. "I know you love her, Mila. I never once questioned it. I can see and feel the love every time you two are together. They don't call me Captain Dinah Jane for nothing," the girl said trying to lighten the mood.

Camila chuckled and pulled away from the embrace, "No one calls you that, Cheech."

Dinah laughed and gently punched her friend in her good arm, "Well you could start calling me that just to make me happy." Camila shook her head laughing. "Hey, were you ever able to get in contact with Meryl and Don?"

The young Latina sighed and passed her hand through her hair. "I was. But they're visiting Meryl's sister. She's really sick and might not make it. So they'd be gone for a few weeks. They wanted to come as soon as I told them what happened, but I didn't want to ruin their fun. I managed to convince them to stay and that I'm okay."