Love Will Remember ❄︎ Camren

Chapter Eighteen: Just Hold On

Camila's POV

(A/N) Trigger Warning: Self Harm. You'd be informed when it starts and when it's okay to read.

When I saw her with him, I didn't know what else to do. What are you supposed to do when the person you're in love with is seen with someone else so close to them? When they don't even want to be with you? When they don't even remember you and you're hopelessly in love with them?

Then she was in pain. All because of me. I shouldn't have left her. It's my fault. Sure, it was just a simple headache but it's still my fault. The accident that caused her so much pain was my fault. If I wasn't so excited for our one year anniversary, maybe she would've been okay. If she hadn't have met me, maybe she'd be happy.

Everything was my fault and I knew it. And apparently, I couldn't stop hurting her. So, yes, even though it was a simple headache, it stemmed to the source of the problem which was ultimately because of me.

So I ran.

My father was right. The only thing I was good at was being a coward. I should've stayed with her; I should've made sure she was okay. But I didn't and it's only making me hate myself even more.

Tears were blurring my vision and I could've barely saw where I was going but my feet propelled me forward as though they had a mind of its own. Soon, I came across a familiar neighbourhood and stopped at a house I grew to know like the back of my hand within a short span of time.

I didn't have to knock because when I reached the porch, the door flung open and I was greeted to a very shocked habitant of the home. "Camilita? What are you doing here, sweetie? And why were you crying?" The woman asked. She had her car keys in hand and I assumed she was heading out.

"I..I'm sorry to show up unannounced. You seem like you were going out, I should probably go," my voice grew raspy with all the crying I did before I came here. I turned to leave but the woman grabbed me back and pulled me into a warm embrace.

God alone knew just how much I needed that. Before I knew it, I felt my tears break the bank that were my eyes. I clutched onto her and sobbed. The woman didn't say anything, she just kept hugging me. She held onto me as though my life depended on it but little did she know just how much I needed it.

*A/N: Please skip if easily triggered by talks of self harm*

I probably would've gone home and did something really stupid. I was doing fine without it but the moment I woke up to find out Lauren wasn't okay, the urges came back. I broke once and I felt horrible. The constant thought of, 'what Lauren would've said?' once she knew I did that kept running through my head. I know she would've been disappointed in me and I've been trying so hard not to go back to that and I knew if I were to be alone, I'd resort to those old habits.

But it's hard. I feel so much emotionally, that I needed a physical outlet, a physical pain that would make the emotional one go away. That was the only way I could control it. The only way I felt like I had some sort of control. I try so hard not to do it, but the blades feel so good against my skin, it whispers this soft lullaby into my ears and tells me that one horizontal slice would quell the pain, and one turns into two and two turns into...so much blood. It tells me all the words I've been yearning to hear. It tells me that 'things will be okay.'

I don't know if it would be okay. I really don't. But at least it hurts a little less with the blades lightly kissing my skin.

*A/N: You can continue from here*

I slowly untangled myself from the woman and used the sleeves of my sweatshirt to dry my eyes. The older woman was looking at me intently, waiting for me to say what was wrong, but I couldn't just blurt out the words "I hate myself" or "I'm the reason she's hurting."