She Is My Sanity (Futanari) •

Go But Don't Go

"Have you ever felt that moment, that moment where you have seen the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen in the world?, that nothing comes to mind.. I didn't think about university or my future.. because I just thought at that moment that I was going to die of a heart attack when I looked into her blue eyes and when I fell in love with her.. So I'm sorry.. But I love her.."

Blair's P.O.V

Jane hasn't answered my texts, calls, nothing so basically she was ignoring me. I am just in my Jeep coming back from the graveyard and now just sitting in my car, looking at Janey's house. Her car was there.. deep down, I knew the real reason she was like this.. two months has passed since graduation and the tickets that my parents booked before for London is next week.. So basically I leave next week for London, and I know Jane knew because I we talked about it last week and then on she just started ignoring me..

It's not like I want to break up with her.. Fuck no. I love her with all my heart and wanted to talk to her about long distance but she left before I said anything.. I could feel my heart ache not seeing Jane for two days and knowing she was ignoring me because of this.. I just wanted to kiss her, hold her..God I felt like I was in an Adele song. So with a aching heart to see my Janey, I got out my Jeep, shut the door and walked over to her house.

Knocking on the door and waiting. Not a minute later, her Aunt Claire answered with a sorrowful expression. She knew how much I missed my girl and wanted to hold her but as her Aunt she needed to listen to what Jane wanted.

"I'm sorry darling" she said in a motherly type of voice and I swallowed that lump in my throat that I felt whenever the urge to cry came. I looked up at the roof, feeling the tears appearing and looked back at Jane's aunt and shook my head.

"It's fine" I said hurtfully, "I understand how she must be feeling right now.." I then said lowly and I could have swore I heard a gasp inside and knew my baby was listening in and missed me as much but knowing her, she wanted to distance herself from me..

"Just tell her.. I love her.. I love her so much.." I finally said and with a nod and a small polite smile, I turned around and walked over to my home. But this time, I didn't make my way inside my home, no, I just got into my Jeep, turned it on. And when I wanted to back out.. I felt it.. her stare and it made my heart purr with love and happiness but right now.. there was too much emotions going through me.

So I looked up, towards Janey's house..but nothing. I sighed and leaned my head on my steering wheel. Backing up on the driveway and onto the street, the only place I could ever be alone comfortably and think is on my mind, so turning on Bob Marley, No Woman No Cry, I drove towards my destination.

Jane's P.O.V

I watched with despair, worry and hurt but also love in my heart while I watched her white jeep drive off from Chloe's bedroom window, with a tear escaping. I felt like my heart was breaking into pieces and then it would pick itself back again but then break into pieces.

I knew I was hurting her.. that's all I seemed to do to her.. but.. I just.. she was leaving in a week and I probably wouldn't see her for years!.

God I couldn't handle that, I couldn't handle the feeling of not feeling her hand in mine, her caressing me, her love for so long.. so my stupid self convinced myself it would be a good idea if I ignored her and it's been so hard to do.. and eventually when the time came for her to leave, I wouldn't be as sad.

But who am I kidding? We have been together for a year and 2 months now and of course I would be distraught when she left so I didn't know why I was still doing this.. to my darling beautiful angel and to myself!.