Little Moments in Time - A Phanfiction

Chapter Eighteen

Dan awoke slowly, feeling his friend's arms around him. He sighed, and prepared for the usual task of slipping out of Phil's room unnoticed so as to avoid any awkward conversation about their drunken sleep situation, until he remembered that it hadn't been that this time. It hadn't been that at all. The memories of last night flooded back to Dan, and he flushed. What did it mean? Had he really kissed Phil? Oh god, if the phandom ever caught wind of this...

Phil's eyes fluttered open, and Dan looked up into the icy blue orbs. 

"Good morning." Dan croaked, betrayed by his morning voice. Phil smiled at him, squeezing the younger boy tightly in his arms.

"Morning," Phil leaned down, placing his lips on Dan's forehead, "bear." he added, smiling. If Dan was blushing before, he must look like a grape now. So Phil remembered it too. Well obviously he remembered, they hadn't been drunk! Dan reminded himself. Phil seemed okay with it, though. With what? With the fact that they kissed? With cuddling with Dan now? What did any of this mean? Dan decided he couldn't wait for answers, as his brain was not going to be able to leave this question behind.

"So... last night..." he started, having no idea what his plan was or what he was even trying to ask exactly.

"Last night." Phil repeated, getting a more serious look on his face, and scooting down on the bed so he was eye level with Dan. 

"I... we... did you... mind?" Phil laughed at this, absently pulling one of Dan's curly locks out of his eyes as he chuckled.

"No, Dan. I didn't mind." He said through his smile. "I actually somewhat enjoyed it, if you'd imagine that!" he feigned shock, dramatically putting a hand over his mouth as if he were a surprised mime, eyes even wider than normal. He returned to chuckling for a moment, before Dan wasn't laughing with him. "Why? Are you alright? Because if you want we can totally forget that anything happened." Dan thought about this. Did he want to forget about it? He couldn't tell. 

He never thought he and Phil would actually kiss, always just finding it funny when their fans said they'd be cute together. I mean yes, their relationship was close and they had a very strong bromance, but that was all it had ever been, right? Well, no not exactly... Dan thought back to the beginning of their friendship. The flirty moments, the moments of discomfort. That drunken night of Tyler's birthday, leaning over Phil on the couch before being interrupted by the group rejoining them. Sleeping nearly naked together that night, and the events of the next morning in the shower, thinking of Phil.

He couldn't lie, he had used that trick since. He always felt guilty, but it was so much better than just waiting for his arousal to fade, and he viewed it as a bit of a miracle that he had found anything that worked. It always left him feeling a bit off and wrong, but at least he wasn't blue balled. No. He and Phil's relationship hadn't stayed strictly in the lines of friendship. It had tested the boundaries, and this was the ultimate test. Dan felt as if he should have a strong feeling one way or the other. He should either be incredibly happy and in love, or mortified, wishing the night before never happened. He felt neither of those. He felt... numb.

"Dan?" Phil asked, concern taking over his face. "Really, we can forget about all of this if you want. You're my best friend, at that's enough for me...." Dan cut him off.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Phil I just... I'm confused."

"You're confused?"

"I don't... feel anything." Dan tried to explain.

"Towards me?" 

"Yes. I mean. No. Not just towards you. I just don't feel anything. At all. I just feel... off."