WILD // (Harry Styles)

F O U R T Y E I G H T

CHAPTER 48

HARRY

*One week later*

I feel the wind.

It breezes past me, as I start to notice the greening of the trees. The small white petals growing out of every branch on the other side of the river.

I hear the water.

The tiny waves wash up against the concrete, as I stare at the dark blue water.

I see the people.

They walk past me, as their hands fit together like puzzle pieces. They hold light conversations, smiling at each other at every whim.

I smell the flowers.

I didn't notice it last time I was here, but they are starting to flourish. They grow out of the ground like skyscrapers, adding color to this gray town.

I taste the crisp air.

It makes the tip of my nose red, my toes cold, and my fingers numb. But I don't mind it anymore. Something about the air comforts me. It will always exist.

I finally decide to get off the bench, and start walking. I want to go home.

My shoes tap against the asphalt, and my hand warms from the coffee I'm holding in my hands. My body feels lighter than last time. I wish it never happened, but I'm thankful it did.

I know I have to deal with it all soon. I have to meet with Yang, and testify about what happened. But right now, I just want to go home.

I have to get rid of the heavy weapon that's weighing down my entire coat. And I will. It was used to end Zayn's life. Zayn is dead.

It was self defense. But I was nowhere near thinking about my own safety. I didn't care at all about myself. It was all for her. Thinking about how much of her he took away from me... it enrages me. It makes me want to shout and cry, and never stop. Even though he is dead, I will never get back what I lost because of him.

I looked into his eyes as he took his last breath, and I savor the moment he knew he had lost. He wanted everything, but he got nothing in the end. I made sure of that when I pulled that trigger.

As I stroll down the busy streets of New York with my cap hanging low on my head, I'm reminded of the first time I came to New York.

It was years ago, and we were on tour with our second album. We were staying at a hotel, and we had three days here. For me, that also meant three girls. Different women every night, maintaining the empty life that I used to think was so full. I always knew there was something missing. I'm not that person anymore. Because of her.

I moved here with her four months ago. What sounds like such a short amount of time has proven to be the most valuable to me. Three months of those were the happiest of my life. One of them, the worst.

Niall doesn't know what to do with himself now. I've received a total of 2 calls ever since we parted ways at the house a week ago. I believed him when he said he never wanted to hurt her. But he loved her so much that it ended up hurting her. Much like what happened between her and I countless times.

Do I ever want to talk to him again? No. I don't want him anywhere near. The way he betrayed her and I... he will never be able to live that down. I will never trust him again.

It came as a shock when I first learned that he wanted to move back to California. But I was glad to see him go. He finally gave up. Not that he had any reason not to.