Diaries to No One

October 5, 2016-Habits

Things went as usual. Wake up. Get dressed. Eat. Brush my teeth. Pack lunch. Leave for school. Go to first period. Decide whether to go to second. Skip second. Go to third. Lunch. Gym. French. History. Leave school. I repeat this process over and over. Never stepping out of line. Stay on track. 'Cause as teens would know, changing habits tend to fuck up your life.

Of course, I didn't realize this. I thought one minor change would keep everything on track. Yeah, I was fucking delirious. I couldn't just skip second period could I. Nothing told me something was going to happen. Maybe I was tired of habits. I wonder what told me to walk into a class I hadn't gone to in 5 weeks. Well. Too late now. I walked in. The battle I had inside me every day came to a halting stop. I had made my decision. Hello Theatre. Yep. That's it. The mysterious second period class I never attended for a month. While I'm not a hopeless romantic, and fall out over Shakespeare's drama, I do love the passion and mystery of literature. Well, guess what. I'm back bitches. Soon enough, this class became part of my daily routine. Changing all of my fucking habits. Damn you, fate. For two weeks, this became my life. If you need a review of what that was, please make your way back to the first paragraph of this chapter. Go ahead. I'll wait. You're back. Now let's continue this story. This became normal. Until that is, he walked in. No, he's no new transfer student with an amazing body and a love for classical romance. Or a cute nerd with odd obsession with Star Trek. Not even the most popular guy at school. If so, stop reading and burn this book. Don't recommend it to a friend. Don't post it on Goodreads or some shit like that. Don't do it. Like, I'm Bryson Tiller, don't. Back to the guy. It was just Jake. If you figured out who I am, congratulations. You probably have heard of Jake. If not, well let me proceed to describe him. He's an oddly attractive mysterious guy whose family owns at least half of the hotels in Rhode Island. Never talked to him. Just know that much. For two weeks, theatre has been part of my routine. Nobody's come. Nobody's gone. But of course, as all things do, someone had to fuck it up. So, what happened? What did Jake do? Well, nothing. Yup, nothing. That was so anticlimactic. Congrats, you finally know who I am. A selfish little bitch who gets worked up about the tiniest of things. But I'm being honest. He didn't do anything. All he did was show up at the most inconvenient time. Right when I was trying to get my routine in place. Keep my habits.

People use habits as an excuse. I...I use it as a lifesaver. Something I can grab onto to keep myself afloat. Jake changed that for me. I could no longer walk into theatre and see familiar faces and my seat in the back corner by myself. I could no longer pretend that he was not there. Something had changed. Someone stepped out of line. Why...why couldn't you have made him part of your routine? I think I couldn't. because I didn't want him to be. Because his oddly familiar and comforting face distracted me from my problems. I couldn't be distracted. I had too many of them. This is my first story...of how I fell in love with someone I didn't know. I'm not Anna and please don't become Elsa. You were my drug. I didn't go to class for the class. I went for you. Because somewhere, I wanted you to like me. I realized that wasn't going to happen. I stopped going to second period. I no longer had the internal battle. I didn't even stop outside it's blue and gold doors. And it's shining brass handle. I just walked. Jake, you caused this. Maybe you noticed that I left. Maybe you didn't. I probably will never know. So, thanks Jake, for messing with my habits.

Normal Time

"I wonder why she came back to class."

"I wonder why she left."

(Jake, who stayed quiet during this discussion, finally lost it.)

"Well, I wonder what caused her to attempt suicide. I think it was because this school is so shitty, the people in it are so shitty that she had to lose her shit! I wouldn't blame her!

(He storms out of the class. Melissa speaks.)

"Maybe I should go talk to him. I, mean, he likes me."

(She leaves.)

"Hey, Jake. Are you okay?"

"What do you want Melissa?"

"I'm just want to know how you're doing. You got pretty angry."

"Yeah. Well, that happens a lot."

"If you're worried about that girl, don't be. I'm here."

"I don't want you to be."

"Well, im not leaving your side. Don't worry about her. She just wanted attention."

"Really Melissa. Attention. Of course you of all people would say that. Bitches like you need it!"

"Jake, calm down."

"I know you don't really give a shit about how im doing, as long as you are getting laid. I'm not going to do it, so fuck off."

"Ya, know. She isn't worth the time. She's probably already dead."

"why can't you do the same. Im done with this shit."

(Jake storms off again, leaving Melissa alone. She starts to do her makeup.)

Originally, I had planned for this book to be completed, but with the announcement of the Watty Awards, I didn't think I'd have time to properly finish the book. Make sure to vote and comment. I would greatly appreciate it!

-Love CupCakes