Not So Normal

Chapter 55

   I literally jump out of bed when I wake up in the morning. Today is the day I finally get to leave rehab. I look at the clock and see that I have an hour until Tyler will be here to sign me out. I go eat a quick breakfast in the cafeteria and then run back to my room. I'm surprised to find something on my bed when I get back. I pick it up and find that it's the dress I wore the night I went out and got drunk. The dress I wore the night that landed me here.

   As much as I hate the memory of the night that got me here, I'm ecstatic to be in my own clothes. One can only wear the same exact white outfit so many times before going absolutely insane. The dress isn't a day dress, so I'm going to look insane when Tyler takes me to Taco Bell, but I don't even care. I'm even happy to put on the stilettos with the dress.

   I pace back and forth in my room (yes, wearing the stilettos) until Julie comes and gets me. She leads me into a part of the building that I've never been in, and I figure it's where people check in and out. We go down a few hallways and then into a big open room with doors leading outside. This is definitely where people come in. I look around the room and squeal in excitement when I see Tyler. I run over to him and throw my arms around him.

   "I missed you so much!" I say, squeezing him. He laughs and hugs me back for a few seconds before gently pushing me off of him. I wait impatiently as Tyler signs a bunch of paperwork to get me out of here. When it's finally okay to leave, I practically sprint out to Tyler's car.

   "Taco Bell," I say as soon as Tyler sits down in the driver's seat.

   "Yes, ma'am," he says with a laugh. We drive down a long, winding road for a minute before emerging out onto normal roads. It is so good to be back in civilization. While we're waiting for the guy at the Taco Bell drive-thru to give us our food, Tyler hands me my phone.

   "I charged it overnight so it would be charged for you," he says.

   "Oh my goodness, thank you so much!" I squeal, practically hugging my phone. A month without any electronics is really difficult. There's no way I'm catching up on all my social media after a month, but I can finally post/tweet stuff again. And I can play games and text people, and I'm just freaking out right now. I find that I have over 100 missed calls and texts, most from Niall, but there's a few from Lindsey and a couple other buddies.

   "Lindsey doesn't know," Tyler says, grabbing our food and putting it all on my lap. I frown. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Lindsey. She thought I got better after I jumped off that building. She never knew that I was still depressed, and she'll freak out if she finds out about this. I could never come up with a decent excuse for missing out on a month of her life, though.

   "Does anyone know?" I ask quietly.

   "Me, Michelle, and Jackson. I hope you don't mind that I told him. I didn't tell him why you were in rehab, but he knows that's where you were," Tyler says. "I couldn't stay at the house alone knowing you were stuck at that place, so I either slept at Jackson's or he stayed at our place, and I had to tell him why."

   "It's fine. As long as he doesn't know why," I practically whisper. I take a sip of my Baja Blast, and then there's an awkward prolonged silence. I think Tyler wants to ask about my depression and my scars, but I can tell he doesn't want to bring it up. I don't want him to, but he should know.

   When we get home I tell Tyler to take the food into the living room and sit on the couch. He does, so I follow him and sit down on the opposite end of the couch.

   "Just ask. I know you want to, and you deserve to know," I say.

   "Tell me everything. Why you started cutting however long ago you started, and everything up until the night I got a call saying that you were in the hospital getting your stomach pumped," he demands immediately. I sigh and begin my story. I tell him everything. From being bullied in middle school, to my suicide attempts in LA and Ireland, to not being able to handle the miscarriage.