MRS. POTATO HEAD

epilogue

do you swear you'll stay forever,
even if her face don't stay together?

;

KIM JISOO's POINT OF VIEW
JANUARY 25, 2017, 4: 09 PM

WHEN I WAS LITTLE, my mom used to tell me, "love yourself first, and everything else falls into line." of course me being the dumb little kid that i am, thought that love meant peppering kisses to your own body, hugging each and every limb that you can reach, or saying "i love me" before going to bed. but that wasn't it.

when i turned nine, i transferred into another school because of dad's work. it was so hard to leave all my friends behind, but mom said that it would be a good opportunity for me to meet other kids besides the kids at home. and so i believed her.

the first day at school and everything was purely indescribable.

there were kids with pigtails and make up toys and expensive school bags and glittering pencil cases and 64 crayons and phones- basically every thing a child wished for was found in this school. and me? well, little kim jisoo had nothing of those things. just puffy eyes and a lamely braided hair.

but 9 year old me thought it was okay because she believed in the saying "i love me." yay! little jisoo is so comforted by the thought that loving herself is necessary thinking that love can protect her from anything, and that's absolutely not true.

high school came.

everyone changed. instead of studying, all they do was gossip and gossip and gossip. i always disliked those kind of things, that's why my so called friends left me. of course, i didn't mind and focused on my studies instead (i was top 1 in my classes).

and then, one beautiful sunny day, i was walking on the corridors with books in my hand, heading to my locker when suddenly, i tripped and my entire body fell flat on the floor.

"ouch." i groaned while trying to sit down. i rubbed my forehead and hissed at the pain.

"oops, sorry." a girl on my left said and laughed. "i absolutely meant that."

well me, being the brave bitch that i am, stood up and faced her. "why did you do that? i didn't even do anything wrong to you. that was such a stupid thing to do."

"i know you're crushing on my boyfriend, and let me tell you, he isn't gonna be yours. you wanna know why?" the girl asked and chewed her gum. "because you're ugly and you don't belong to this school."

to be honest, that was the first time my heart got bruised.

i'm a very sensitive person and each word you throw in my way hurts like knife, and as i grew older, my heart was filled with scars and wounds from my bullies in high school.

ugly, stupid, dumb, ugly, trying hard, worthless, ugly. those were the words that i always used to hear from the hallways. and let me tell you, it hurted more than anything else.

it was when i turned 15 that i realized i didn't love myself.

i didn't have the body that other girls had, my face was a fucking embarrassment, my clothes were a disaster, everything about me was horrible. and i hate it.

eventually, i joined YG entertainment and i met jennie.

jennie was a really nice girl. she helped me with everything when we were trainees, and she was always there by my side whenever i had problems. because of that, we became more than just friends. lovers.

i loved jennie with all my heart, but then there was something about her that felt so wrong but i just couldn't pin point it. in the end, we drifted apart because of that wrongness but never broke up.

and then i met byung-yeon.

byung-yeon, the love of my life. he was the first person who told me i was beautiful, he made me felt like i was the only woman that made him feel loved like this. he was always with me whenever i feel down, as i was with him. he was my everything.

but he is gone.

killed by jennie.

when i saw him being stabbed multiple times, i couldn't breathe. the one that i love, sitting there, just being stabbed repeatedly was a terrifying sight.

we made a promise before, that after square 3, we would run away and never come back. just the two of us.

that promise won't be fulfilled anymore, though. because he is dead.

but it's okay.

i can still be with him, i will be with him.

i found the necklace that he was supposed to give me a few days ago after the police came to our house. i kept it with me, even when i sleep.

that wasn't enough.

YG BUILDING, ROOFTOP
JANUARY 26, 2017, 12:16 AM

you know, after everything i've been through, i've realized that it's tiring to live.

i am tired.

it's awfully difficult to feel sad and tired when all you want is to be alive.

but is being alive what i need?

no.

byung yeon isn't here anymore. i have nothing to live for.

my family forgot about me. my members are in prison. i'm the only one left.

i think it's time for me to leave.

byung-yeon, i'm coming for you.

i held the necklace to my chest with a smile on my face,

and i jumped.