**** So this is my first story on Wattpad! Hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to vomment (vote and comment) if you like it! ****
XOXO Sienna
CHAPTER ONE
Three years. It had been three years to the day since I'd had any physical contact with a man. Not even a kiss on the cheek to get me by. I can't lie; I missed it... a lot. However, it was by choice. I mean I may not be a model but I could get a man if I wanted. I did pretty well when I was dating. With my 5'6" height, short curly brown hair, and dark honey eyes I wasn't bad to look at. I've always loved my smooth caramel colored skin and my cute smile. I had a nice enough body. I was a little thick but I wouldn't call myself fat... and nobody else had better either.
No, the problem for me wasn't the fact that I couldn't get a man. The problem was that I just didn't want one. I learned a long time ago that men are nothing but trouble. I thought back to when I first decided to become celibate.
It was shortly after my college graduation. My 22 birthday was a week away and my best friend took me to a party to celebrate. I had been dating the captain of the basketball team for around three months. He was absolutely gorgeous. Tall, great body, smooth chocolate skin that made me lose all self control. Every girl on campus wanted him. I couldn't believe he was actually interested in someone like me. Yeah, I was pretty but I was not the cheerleader type. I was very much a tomboy in my youth, still somewhat today.
The entire night he treated me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I felt special, wanted, loved. We hadn't had sex but I felt like it was finally the night. We went back to his house and as we started getting hot and heavy four more members of his team walked into the room.
I tried to run. I tried to get out, but they all held me down while he forced himself on me. When he was finished he told me that he had a girlfriend and that I was just a little end of the year graduation present to himself. I was even more defeated when he told the whole team that he was done with me and whoever wanted me next could step up. Luckily, I was able to grab a bottle from the night stand. I bashed it over his head and ran from the house before anyone could touch me again. I ran to my dorm alone that night feeling like trash. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and broken.
When I got back to my room I wrote down the names of all the men I'd ever slept with. 15 names and a carton of ice cream later and I realized I had a huge problem with falling for toxic losers. None of them ever wanted anything but sex, and I was the idiot who gave it to them willingly. Why did I do this to myself? I knew that men were all dogs. They only wanted to use and dispose. They were toxic creatures who destroyed everything they encountered. That night was the final straw. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
That night I made a promise to myself. I lit candles all around the list of men that I'd slept with and recited words to myself. I made a vow that I would never allow myself to feel that way again. I would never let a man use me for his own selfish needs. I would never lose myself for a man again. I would never be hurt. Now it was three years later and I hadn't added a name to the list since. I never told anyone what happened that night. I wanted to forget it. Pretend it never happened.
I sat at my desk still in deep thought when my phone began to vibrate. It was my cousin texting me to see what I was doing for my birthday. I didn't want to be reminded of my birthday. I was turning 25 in a week and I wasn't excited at all. I had nothing to celebrate and nobody to celebrate with. Every since I moved to the city two years ago I've been on my own. My cousin lived on the other side of town with her husband and my mom was still at home. I was an only child so I had no sisters or brothers to celebrate with. I had co-workers that I occasionally ate lunch with and talked to but they weren't really friends. I texted her back and then went back to work.
Thinking about my birthday was starting to depress me. At 25 I should be partying, traveling, having fun, maybe even dating, not sitting in this office fading away. After work I would go straight home. I needed a long bath and a good book.
Tomorrow morning I would wake up and do this all over again.
DU LIEST GERADE
Holding Out
Romantik[ COMPLETED] Excerpt: Come in." I said pulling him into my office. "I'm actually glad you came. I was going to call you and tell you that, even though I thought the gestures were really nice. It has to stop." "Go out with me tonight." He sa...
