Holding Out

Holding Out - Chapter 16

After that day I didn't have the strength to stay away from Isaac. I wasn't really worried about being hurt anymore; I just wanted to enjoy his company.

Of course I was still afraid, but I was happy to have someone who was right there with me; feeling the same way I did. A month had passed since our little scene at the theatre.

I'd been spending more and more time with Isaac. We'd grown used to kissing but I still wasn't letting him go further than that. That was the one mistake that I didn't want to make. Sex always got me into trouble.

I got a little more comfortable with Isaac over time and allowed myself to get a little more physically connected with him. However, I knew I was still a little emotionally closed off.

The important thing was that I was trying. I felt like a complete idiot for pushing him away so much. I was ashamed that Id let my past get in the way of a relationship with Isaac

I kept thinking about what Kate said in the car, and I couldn't walk away from him after that.

I still hadn't told him what she said about the baby. He thought she had an abortion because she didn't know who the baby belonged to. I didn't want him to find out that John killed the baby when he beat Kate, it would hurt him too much, and I didn't feel like it was my place to say anything.

"Penny for your thoughts." Isaac said bringing me back to reality.

"I'm hungry." I lied.

Isaac stood up and went to the kitchen, not even mentioning the fact that we had both just gotten finished eating a huge pizza.

Within a few minutes he was back with a tray full of snacks. I leaped head first into the chocolate. Hey, what can I say, I'm my mother's daughter. I heard Isaac laugh as though he heard my thoughts.

"Don't laugh," I joked. "It's a serious condition."

"I love you." he said kissing me gently on the lips.

I sat up straight and pretended to focus on the movie. Every since the night at the theatre Isaac made it known how he felt about me. I wasn't ready. He knew I didn't believe in love, so I never said it back.

"You're doing it again." he said.

"Doing what?" I asked, I already knew what he meant. I was shutting him out.

"For a second there I really thought we were making progress." He said disappointed.

"Progress? I'm not some little project for you Isaac."

"You know that's not what I meant Jade." He said calmly.

"Then what did you mean?" I didn't know why I was getting so defensive.

Isaac sounded frustrated, "you know how I feel about you, yet you act like you don't even care about me. Every time I touch you it's like you freeze up. What am I supposed to think?"

"So this is because I won't sleep with you?"

"You know that's not what this is about! Look if you're not into this fine, tell me, but don't try to string me along and play with my feelings. Just because you don't have a heart doesn't mean you can play with mine!" he almost yelled.

Now I was furious and we were full on arguing. "You know now I see why Kate left you." I quickly clasped my hands over my mouth, as soon as I said it I felt horrible. "Isaac I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."I tried to take his hand but he pulled away. After a minute of silence I felt very uneasy.

"Do you have any feelings for me at all?" he finally said.

"I..." I couldn't answer. I didn't know what I felt.