Holding Out

Holding Out - Chapter Three

"Happy Birthday." I said aloud as I lay in my bed waiting on the clock to strike 6AM. I turned it off before the alarm sounded. I stumbled out of bed, tripping over every piece of furniture on the way to the bathroom. I really wasn't a morning person.

I looked at my reflection I the mirror, and took in my appearance. I looked pretty good for 25. My hair, although short, was very full and hung wildly over my head. My normally honey brown eyes showed a light tint of grey this morning. I lowered my head and admired my wide hips and full curves. Most women would shy away from a full figure, but I loved the way my body made me feel like a real woman.

I ran my hands up to my full breast and cupped them. I would never tell anyone this but the sight of my breast turned me on. I wondered to myself if that meant my family was right, maybe I was a lesbian. I quickly shook the thought form my head. I may not remember what it feels like but I sure as hell remember the sensation. No woman had ever made me feel that.

I exhaled slowly as I turned on the shower and got ready for work. I took my time getting ready today. I knew as soon as I got to work there would be a party waiting for me.

They always made a huge deal of everyone's birthday. Normally I would just sing, give a nice gift, and eat as many cupcakes as I could without being noticed. I couldn't even say how many times I'd sung 'Happy Birthday' over the last two years. It was a tradition as work that I could live without since I sang like a cat giving birth, but at least I would get a few free cupcakes out of it.

Just thinking about the cupcakes made my mouth water. They got them from the bakery down the street from the office and they were delicious. At least one good thing would come from today.

The day was just starting and already I had to go back home to change because I spilled milk on my jacket, broke my heel, and got my skirt caught in the elevator door. That had better be one hell of a cupcake. I thought to myself as I stepped into my office building.

I walked into the building with a fake smile plastered on my face preparing for the crowd and singing, but when I stepped off of the elevator I was met with silence.

I looked around the office expectantly but there was nothing. No party, no music, no cupcakes; just business as usual. I couldn't believe it, after all the gift cards I'd bought, all the cards I've signed, all the stupid jokes I'd laughed at and nothing! I've sang the 'Happy Birthday song' so many times I literally had nightmares about it.

This had to be a joke, I thought. Any minute now they were going to jump out and yell surprise. No one is dumb enough to forget the birthday of the head advertiser.

I decided to keep my cool so that when they decided to prank me they would have no ammo and know that they had fooled me. However, by five o'clock I knew it wasn't a prank. Either they forgot or they just didn't care.

I got home that night and threw my shoes in the corner. I felt so angry. Those bastards! I'd personally celebrated with each and every one of them. I checked my voicemail and I had one message from my cousin wishing me a happy birthday.

How pathetic could I be? I mean I would think that somebody would remember my birthday. Anybody. They even sent out a reminder at the beginning of the month of everyone's birthday.

I ran my hand through my curls and let out an audible grunt. I went to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of vodka that I had for guest. I decided I might as well put it to use since the only guests I've had in the last two years were my mom, my cousin... and the cable man. "Screw it". I said as I popped the top on the bottle and took a massive swig.

I wasn't a huge drinker so the first attempt burned like crazy and I spit it out immediately. I had to gag to get it to stay down but after the fifth shot I didn't even taste it anymore. Drink after drink I took as I celebrated by myself in my kitchen. By 10 PM I was wasted.

During my private party I'd decided to make myself some cupcakes. I pulled everything out of my cabinets and turned my music on full blast. I heard my neighbor banging on the wall, "oh shut up you old bat!" I yelled at the wall. I sang at the top of my lungs while pouring all of the ingredients in the pan without looking or measuring.

I threw them in the oven and poured another shot as I sang to the music. I hadn't even noticed the smell of burning sugar until I saw the smoke coming from the oven almost an hour later. I quickly pulled the cupcakes out and sat them on the counter before putting the icing straight on.

I looked at the half burned cupcakes on the counter and in my drunken state thought they looked pretty good. They may have been hard as rocks but at least I didn't burn down my apartment.

I put a candle in the middle of one of them and went out to the terrace. I felt a single tear run down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. It had been years since I've cried and drunk or not I wasn't going to start now. I wouldn't allow myself to cry over some stupid people forgetting my birthday.

My thoughts were interrupted by a flash of light in the sky. A falling star. I closed my eyes and whispered, "I wish...I wish I wasn't alone." As soon as I let the words escape from my mouth I regretted it. I felt stupid.

What was wrong with me, I didn't wish on stars. I didn't cry over people I didn't even care about, and I didn't burn cupcakes! I blew out the candle and sat it on the table on the terrace. I went back into my empty apartment and turned off the music. I got into bed and wrapped myself in the sheets. "Happy Birthday." I said again before drifting off to sleep.