Holding Out

Holding Out - Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO

I really loved Friday's. Everyone was always so happy and ready for the weekend. I'd just gotten off from work and I was feeling good so I decided to ask my mom to meet me for dinner later. She'd called me last night to tell me that she was going to be in town tonight. She comes in to town every few weeks to deliver her sculptures to the local shops. People love her artwork; I always tell her she should do more with it but she doesn't listen.

We met up at our favorite spot, a small diner in the middle of the city. My mom liked it because she thought it would remind me of home and make me want to move back. I wouldn't though, I loved the city. The diner was unusually busy and our regular booth was taken, so we sat at the front.

I sat there watching my mom as we got our food. It always astounded me how she would never notice all the attention she got when we were out. Guys always swooned over my mother.

She was gorgeous. She was no very tall but she didn't let it stop her. She was busty and slim. She had long dark hair and deep hazel eyes. Her dark skin was perfect in every way, not a blemish in sight. She had full lips and an amazing body. Sometimes I would even get bothered by the attention.

All my life I've had to hear how beautiful my mother was. Compared to her I was just average and she didn't even notice how much men wanted her.

"So, how have you been?" she asked taking a bite of her steak. My mom was small but she was tough and ate like a grown man.

"Good, work has been a little stressful though. The CEO's son is my new boss and he's a real jerk." I didn't want to tell my mom about me being three years celibate two days ago. Some things were just meant to be private.

I already knew what was coming next; she'd always pressure me about the same things. She wanted me to move home and get married. I dreaded the questions but I knew they were coming.

She was quiet for a while, "you know, I talked to Dr. Harris the other day and he said they really miss you down at the clinic honey. Why don't you give him a call? He told me that whenever you're ready to come back they would have a job for you."

I knew it; she tried it every time we got together. She hated when I quit my job at the hospital to move to the city to work in advertising. It was just time for me to get away; I was tired of living my mother's life. "This place really is packed tonight isn't it?" I said trying to change the subject.

My mother raised an eyebrow, "yeah, it's date night. I guess all the couples are out tonight." She said while digging into her steak. Once again I tried ignoring her obvious sarcasm. "Seriously though Jade, when are you going to settle down? You haven't had a man in years. The whole family thinks you're getting some sex change operation or something!"

"Good thing I don't care what the family thinks then." I said.

"Well that may be but it wouldn't hurt to go out on a few dates, you're a pretty girl." She said, now ignoring her food.

"God ma, really? We can't just have one dinner where we don't talk about me and who I got in my bed?"

She looked upset, "well that's the problem. You don't have anybody in your bed, and don't you take the lords name in vain like that."

"That's it! I can't take this anymore. Just stay out of my business. You're like a damn parrot always repeating yourself. Just stop already!" I shouted. I realized that people in the restaurant had stopped their activities and turned to look at us.

My mother slowly lifter her gaze from her plate. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the glare that she was giving me. If looks could kill, I'd be on her plate right now instead of that steak. "Ma, I'm sorry I-"

She cut me off, "you listen to me you ungrateful little brat. You may not like the things I say, but you will not disrespect me. After 25 years of putting my needs aside to make sure you had everything I think I've earned the right to say whatever the hell I please."

I felt like crap, I knew she was right. The thing was it wasn't my mom's fault I was upset. I just didn't want to be reminded that I was in a job I hated and alone in the city.

Don't get me wrong I loved my life and I wouldn't trade it but the reminder that I wasn't where I wanted to be by now was too much for me at the moment. "Ma, I'm really sorry. Your right, I've just been so stressed at work. I didn't mean to yell Ma. Can we just start over please?" I gave her my best puppy dog face and she gave in within seconds.

"No, maybe your right. You're turning 25 in three days and I shouldn't be telling you how to live your life." She looked guilty. "It's ok, but don't you ever talk to me like that again."

I felt horrible for making her feel that way, my mom had sacrificed everything for me and I would never want to hurt her. "Actually, I think I could use a little advice right now Ma."

She cheered up a bit, "honey it's just I worry with you all alone out here. In the last couple years out here you've grown so cold. You used to be happy and loving and now... you're so sad. I just don't want you to wake up one day and your old, your kids are gone, and you're alone with nothing left but a bunch of hobbies."

I knew we weren't talking about me anymore, "well hey." I said shrugging, "we'll always have each other!" I laughed.

"Oh God!" my mother said taking a huge sip of wine.

I laughed, "I can see it now, we'll both be bald with 10 cats, and we'll always be yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off our grass."

"Now why do we have to be bald?" my mom said through bursts of laughter.

"Didn't you just hear me say we will be living together?" I said, "The stress alone will make it fall out if we don't pull it all out first."

We both couldn't help but laugh. After dinner we caught a movie and my mom went home before it got too late to drive. I thought about what my mother said that night. Had I really grown cold? I knew that I'd changed but when you've seen the things I've seen you tend to be a little cautious. Keeping people out is safer. Nobody is used. Nobody is hurt.