Psycho

Day 15

Dr. Perkins entered my room the next day, and I already knew he must have heard about what happened with Quinn by now since he didn't mention it yesterday.  Although I'm surprised he didn't hear about it sooner from all of the gossiping nurses who seem so interested in me specifically.

"Hello, Katie. How are you?" He asked as he entered.

"The same," I sighed, remaining seated on my bed.

Dr. Perkins grabbed a chair and sat across from me. "Any troubles?  With tasks, yourself, others..."

"You heard about Quinn?" I raised an eyebrow and cut him off, not needing to hear him attempt to make it subtle.

Dr. Perkins seemed a bit caught off guard that I knew what he was getting at, but then sighed. "Fighting with other patients doesn't help..."

"Woah, woah, woah. Fighting? There was no fighting! I'm not sure what she told you but..."

"It doesn't matter what Quinn told me, what matters right now in this conversation is you!" he interrupted sternly. 

"Why can't I know what's said about me? She's mentally unstable as well, more so than I am, and you just believe every word she says without question?" I questioned him, feeling anger rise in me.

"There were questions, and I never said..."

"There weren't any questions for me, or my side!" I pointed out. "You just automatically assumed there was a fight, and I'm the cause!"

"Enough! You're making your own assumptions now, and you won't even let me speak about the manner!" My eyes widened at the rising tone of his voice. Dr. Perkins always kept a cool head, and I don't know what Quinn told him but this whole situation definitely angered him.  He noticed my expression and took a deep breath. "Look, fighting or no fighting, you're upsetting people here, and that's not going to get you out of here anytime soon."

"I'm not getting out of here anytime soon anyway because you people already have your minds made up!" I raised my voice, but refrained from yelling again. "You say 14 days, but in your head you know you're going to keep me in here for at least a year...I can tell!"

Dr. Perkins sat quietly now, confirming what I had just said. He thought about his response before speaking, "We don't want to keep you here for a year. What we want to do is get you out as soon as possible..."

"Great!" I exclaimed.

"With a healthy mind," he finished, warningly. I huffed, looking to the side. I know that answer. "We want to help you...I want to help you!  But you're so in denial that you won't let me!" He continued, sounding sympathetic now. I kept my eyes away from him, remaining silent now. "Katie, everyone has issues.  Even if it's not Jason, or something that's his fault...something happened to you during that time that haunts you, I can tell. That month changed you, and I'm here to help you deal with that in any way that I can."

I felt myself soften, because even though I didn't want to admit it, he was right. I am haunted by my decision that nearly ended my life, but most importantly I changed. I never thought about it like that, but just looking back at how I've reacted to people when they get on my nerves...I'm a different person. I don't know how to deal with it. I finally looked back Dr. Perkins. "I don't want fixed..."

"Katie, I know it's hard to accept..."

"Let me finish!" I raised my voice so he would stop. "I don't want fixed, but...I...I do want help..."

Dr. Perkins was now surprised, nodding. "That's great! You...you actually want it?"

I sighed, a bit in defeat. "I'm not completely changed. There's parts of my psychologist side that I'll always have...one part being the ability to...recognize when help is needed," I told him, my eyes wandering away. "Even with me."