Confessions of a Sex Addict

Two

Sex Addiction Facility ⬆️ picture above

"Ah... nice for you to join us, Alec Bates, would you mind sharing with us on your progress and how much you've improved, or have not?; whether you feel like participating today?", he says as he sits across from me. I just stare back at him hoping the person sitting next to me would notice that I'm not here; like I stopped breathing or something. At that moment I felt like crap, like I was trapped in a box, and I couldn't come out until I complete a certain task. All eyes were on me; even SaraBeth, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst.

Dr. Edwards-Paul was waiting for me to say something, I was too embarrassed I didn't know what to say or do. I turned my head to see Dr. DeShawn; she still had my chart and started taking notes. It was as if I was one of those experimental animals locked up in a cage just being watched. It was horrifying and uncomfortable.

I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I took a deep breath and spoke..."Hello everyone, um I'm Alec Bates, and um I....." before I could finish you can hear the nervousness in my voice. My head was faced down to the floor because I couldn't face the fact that I embarrassed myself in front of her. I never seen a woman that beautiful; she's what I call "uno su un milione". which means one in a million, I know this to be true because I'm Italian, and I know a little Spanish. I took another breath while I closed my eyes tight and thought of my mother, and the day she and I spent together before she died.

Confession 34...
I was twelve years old when my mother passed. I'll never forget her last words; sei bella...... You are beautiful, that's what she told me, also she said that I'm extraordinary, and that I got a gift, a gift that no one can replace. She told me she loved me and kissed my forehead and closed her eyes as if she was sleeping; at least that's what my grandmother told me as she stood behind and laid her hand on my left shoulder and covered her mouth because she didn't want me to see her weakness by crying, but I knew that my grandmother was crying just by looking into her eyes. My grandmother was raised to be tough, and not to show any type of weakness, that's how she raised my mom, who seemed to pick it up at a young age maybe that's where I get it from, but looking at my grandmother I knew those were real tears, and not some fake excuse..

My mother died of breast cancer before that she and I were really close and then when I turned ten she remarried and moved back to Italy with my stepfather, Phil. He was a good man to my mother, a faithful Godly man at least that's what I thought. He was a great husband, and my mother really loved him. I could tell just by her smile; but sadly, after four years of marriage he died of colon cancer. It was hard on her as so me too. Considering, the fact that I knew Phil to be more a father than my real one. He was more of a man than my real dad, and treated mother like a queen. When I came out to Phil, he didn't push me away, nor judge like my real dad. Phil loved the fact that I was becoming my person, and being able to say, it's alright; he especially loved the fact of having a stepdaughter, I'm not a big fan on labels. Phil loved me for who I was, not who I wanted to be..

I can feel a heavy amount of  pressure on my head. You can say it's a headache, but this feels like a fifteen pound weight crushing your skull and hot tar melting on your eyelids. Everyone was staring at me, all eyes were on me; as I fell to the floor this one girl; Krystal screamed really loud as everyone scattered around the room; some stayed in their seats mumbling about what, and why God placed them there, others were on their knees bowing to the air speaking in tongues.

As my head hit the floor I looked frightened and confused about what was going on. Dr. Edwards-Paul rushed over to me as so did the staff. I couldn't hear anything after that it was a blur, Dr. Edwards-Paul kept saying my name over and over to wake me up but everything went black and I passed out.