Confessions of a Sex Addict

Twenty-seven

Hannah Lee-Ann ⬆️ picture above

Confession 643
Hannah's coming to see me. For what reason I'm not sure; but I don't know why. Last time we talked; well we didn't say much. I saw a ring on her finger, so what do she want. Everything's running through my mind like a bullet train and I can't seem to sort it out. Next month is my birthday and I'll be twenty-three. I'll be spending it in here with some of the people I've grown to trust. Abigail and I have been having fun with each other considering she's a sex addict and I only have five more months left here I so don't want Abigail to mess that up for me nor Hannah.

She doesn't attend group and when she does she'll either sit across from me or next to me and flirt. I liked it at first; but now it's just too much. She got pissed at me because she wanted me really bad one night and I turned her down. She didn't speak to me for days. I started to feel bad because what she and I do is mind blowing amazing, but then again I'm here to get help not fool around even though I fool around with the doctors here....

That has to stop also, but it's Dr. DeShawn is who I really want to give it to. My impulses and urges I can feel them every time I look Dr. DeShawn's way. She's the trigger and my weaknesses. The other night I had sex with a black woman, a black doctor.... Dr. Banner-Bloom.

She blew my mind away with all that she could do. I want to get help for this disease that lives in me but I'm afraid to slip and fall if I continue to ruin my chances out of here. I started spending time by myself whenever I have time. Hopefully when I see Hannah Lee-Ann I'll be ready...

I finish the last sentence of my confession as I close my notebook and walk out of my room towards the visiting hall and wait for Hannah Lee-Ann to arrive. I carry my notebook with me just in case I get bored or something.

I see Lapis and Dr. DeShawn as I walk in and sit down. Lapis walks over to me and talks with me for a bit until Dr. DeShawn tells her to keep up because she has group and she doesn't want her to be late. I get up and follow her as I pull Dr. DeShawn's arm. Lapis heads on to group as I try to get Dr. DeShawn to listen to me. She swings her arm at me as she turns her head and acts like she's looking at my chart.

"Dr. DeShawn; please..." I cried and pleaded tugging on her uniform like a little kid wanting attention.

She moves her body and walks away as I walk right in front of her.

"Dr. DeShawn please..." I cried out once more. She ignored me and kept on walking. I started to feel my heart burst out my chest and yelled out something I would regret. I LOVE YOU! I yelled as she including everyone stop and froze where they were at and gasped. Dr. DeShawn was only five feet away close to the exit door. She turned around slowly with eyes still on us as I stared her down trying to catch my breath. I was breathing uncontrollably as my hands were shaking.

Everyone in the visitor's room just looked at the us waiting patiently for what was going to happen. Dr. DeShawn touched her stomach as she rubbed it and took in a deep breath. I waited for I didn't what she was going to do. She slowly approached me with her hand still resting on her stomach and looked me in the eyes. Before I could say anything else she slapped me hard in the face and walked away. People around us made noises and some laughed as I readjusted my jaw.

I walk back to my seat and sit down still rubbing my jaw back and forth as Hannah walks in wearing a yellow sundress and her hair pinned up to one side. I flip through my notebook as she approaches me. I feel like a complete idiot for confessing my love for Dr. SeShawn if she didn't hate me before I bet she does now.