Confessions of a Sex Addict

Thirty

As Dr. DeShawn walks me, Lapis and Abigail to group I hold in my hand the letters that I have written to thank the many people here that I've grown close to. I sit next to Amberlynn who is sitting next to Spencer as Lapis and Abigail find an empty seat somewhere else. Before group starts I ponder on my three years here. Dr. Banner-Bloom arrives in the room and tells me to take my seat as she beings.

The room gets quiet as she stares at everyone in the room then looks over at me. Some of the girls are talking to the person sitting right next to them as others look around the room.

Dr. Banner-Bloom crosses her leg one on top of the other and keeps direct eye contact as I clear my throat. I talk among Amberlynn as she smiles and places her hair behind her ear.

"Alec... would you mind sharing with us; since this is your last day here... she says to me as I look up at everyone that's in the room." I turn around and see Dr. DeShawn who is reading a book.

She looks up at me and smiles as she nods her head. I put my letters on the floor at the side of the chair and stand up walking towards a podium as I rest my arms on it as I lean in a bit as I look around the room. I lick my lips as my heart starts to pound and click my teeth as I start to become nervous.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I spoke. I didn't know what to say as I stared at everyone.

"It's alright... Alec just take your time..." says Dr. Banner-Bloom as she hollered from a distance. I shook my head as the beating of my heart decreased.

It's now November; and today's the day. I'm finally free. I have all these mixed emotions swirling through my head as I passed through the hallway today and saw others around me as they talked among themselves and others. I thought my addiction was everything to me as I'd eat and breathed it, but I was wrong.

Dr. DeShawn and all the others has taught me there's more to life than just sex. I'm not cured not completely but I am capable to manage and control my addiction if it ever becomes a problem as I walk back to my room I sit at my desk and open up my notebook that has all my confessions, all my true emotions... has opened my eyes and some amazing drawings I got to draw while being here.

When I first came here I didn't want to admit to the responsibility of owning the fact that I have this addiction that controlled me... consumed me... sex was always the answer. It was all that mattered.

With the people I soon began to trust I have realized that doing other things... talking to the one sitting next to you... connecting with that person besides always being hooked on this one thing day in and day out pretty soon it gets old and dry after a while. Sex for me wasn't always just a way to escape my problems... I used it for selfish reasons and dumb reasons.

All I wanted was to make some else feel good when I wasn't feeling good about myself on the inside. It made me bitter and weak as a person... but today's different. I never knew how good I was at drawing until someone told me I was... I stare into Dr. Banner-Bloom's eyes as she smiles and continue to talk.

I didn't know someone liked me for me until I met SaraBeth... I pause for a moment as she crosses my mind and smile. Everyone claps as I go take my seat. Dr. DeShawn comes up behind me as she pats me on the back lightly as some else speaks.

Dr. DeShawn tells me to follow her as Lapis and Abigail stay behind. I grab my letters as I try to catch up to her. She looks at me as we walk to my room. I stop Dr. DeShawn as we stand outside my door and hand her; her letter. She looks at me and smiles as I open the door and grab the rest of my things.