M+E: Snowflakes and flames (Book 1)

Chapter 13

- Emma, wait... - Jim shouts at me as I walk away to the changing room.

I don't stop, I walk faster but he is even faster and catches my elbow from behind.

- I said wait...

- Why?

- We need to talk.

- No, we don't.

- Yes, we do, would you please listen to me?

- No. There's nothing to talk about - I say abruptly as he gives a sniff of disapproval.

- Stop it now.

- To stop what?

- Your childish behaviour.

- What is your problem, Jim? What do you want from me? - I hiss at him and he takes a step back. I kno he has seen me like this before. The next thing I did was a slap in the face so I guess he doesn't want one.

- I ...

- You slept with her, didn't you?

- And what if I did?

I haven't noticed that our voices have become louder until his last sentence.

- Why do you care who I f*ck and who I meet?

- I... don't. That was just a stupid quetion.

- You made yourself clear last night that you don't wanna get into a relationship. Or at least not with me.

- I was about to kiss you, you idiot, but then Danny opened the door thinking you were our cat lady neighbour!

- You... were about to... kiss me? - Jim lowers his voice.

- Ah, there you are, Jim. I need you at the bar as fast as possible. - It's the waitress from last night.

- In a minute - he yells at her and she walks away frowning. - Is it true? What you said... about...

- Never mind. Leave me alone now and forget about last night - I hiss again and push him away. I slam the door behind my back and go to the restaurant.

***

- What happened to you? - Danny asks me.

It's midnight and he is still awake watching... is this "Charlie"? Oh, God...

- Nothing. Why?

- You look like someone pissed you off and you... killed them.

- I might have...

- Jim?

- Yes. We had a little talk today.

- And?

- He slept with a colleague of ours.

- So... you care about this because...?

- I was about to kiss him before you opened the door. And he ran away. He went to her. He knows she has a crush on him.

- Poor Jim...

- Poor Jim ?! - I can't believe my ears. - Why not "Poor Emma"?

- Well, do you wanna be in a relationship with him?

- I ... don't know. I don't think I need a relationship right now...

- That's why I said "Poor Jim". You're just giving him mixed signals. You don't even know what  you want, but I can tell that he does. And he wants to be with you.

- I doubt.

- But why? He gave you a ride, he kissed you on the cheek...

- Yes, Danny. On the cheek. Like you said it last night - that was s friendly kiss.

- He might have been afraid.

- Of what???

- Of you rejecting him, you dummy. That's why he kissed you on the cheek - just to see your reaction.

That seems about right. Danny knows quite a lot about relationships and psychology.

- What should I do now? - I ask in a weak voice. I'm afraid of losing a good friend. I'm afraid of losing Jim.

- Nothing. Just don't give him any mixed signals anymore. Whenever you feel clear with yourself, that should be the moment for your next conversation.

- You're probrably right...

- Of course I am.

- And plus I'm leaving the library and the restaurant in a week...

- Awww, yeaaah, right. How did the meeting go?

- Well, you know... they offered me to portray some girl named Jane Fox....

- JANE FOX??? - Danny shouted hysterically making me cover my ears.

- Yea, so what?

- OMG... you'll see, you'll see, just wait for it... - he giggled. - Anything else?

- Yes. I pissed Michael Sheridan off. Again. - Now it's my turn to giggle.

I told Danny everything that happened during the meeting.

* * * * * *
It's already Sunday, 4th June, and I can't find Jim in the restaurant.

- Where is Jim? - that's the first thing I ask Paolo when I see him.

- He got sick and called for a day off - my boss says but I know he is realy suspicious about this.

- He did?

- Yes. Would you mind covering his shift tonight?

- Sure - I nod and I feel that I need to see him.

The restaurant is full, as any other Sunday. Today we have traditional Mexican dishes and that reminds me of Jim. I know how much he loves Mexican food. I take my phone out of my pocket, unlock the screen but there are no messages or missed calls. I flick through my contacts list. I hesitate on Jim's number but when I hear a familiar voice, saying "Jim's such a d*cik for just f*cking me and not calling me back", I quickly open my messages box and type.

"Hope you are okay."

I press "send" and put my phone back in my pocket.

- Good evening - an old man is standing next to the bar. - Can I have a beer, please?

- Yes, sure - I absently reply and grab a bottle from the fridge.

- Is something bothering you, dear? - the man says and smiles at me.

- No, sir. I'm just tired. - I open the beer and put it in front of him.

- Well, I can see something in your eyes...

- You can? - I doubt.

- I think you need to get rid of your fatigue...

- I'm not sure I understand...

- Somethin's stuck on your mind, I can see. You should take a step and solve the problem. Trust the old man, talking is always good - he smiles again and pays for his drink twice its price. He doesn't even leave me the chance to stop him from tipping me that much and just leaves to his table.

The conversation with Paolo went pretty well. He already knew about my situation and... took it well. He seemed pretty happy, though. Yeah, he said he was about to lose one of his best employees he has ever had but encouraged me to follow my dreams. Well, I didn't tell him that this was NOT one of my dreams, just some exciting experiment I'd like to take a risk at.

Leaving the library was a bit harder. Joanne, my boss there, was pretty upset when I told her,  but there was nothing she could do. Someone had already informed her and I suspected Simon had something to do with this. She said to me that she was really pleased with my work there.

*******
Today is Friday. 10th June. Today is the premiere of Michael Sheridan's autobiography at the British Library and my last work day there. I also intend to go to Jim's apartment because he hasn't showed up at the restaurant for a week and hasn't returned any of my messages. I'm really worried about him and I desperately need to see him.