Under the Elms

The only woman

What's the deal? I've always called you-'

'Exactly. That's what you always called me.

'You remember the song you wrote for Patti LaBelle? 'I Hear Your Voice?' That song was me. I woke up, night after night, hearing you calling me mama, only to find once again that you weren't there. I didn't get out of bed for days when I realized, after those two weeks of trying, that you weren't going to reach out to me or respond to my attempts to reach you. It was worse than if you had died. I knew exactly where you were, but you weren't available to me anymore. My spirit was completely crushed. I didn't care about anything anymore.' Sofia took a deep breath through her nose to stop tears that were threatening, and continued.

'My assistant principal finally came to my house to find out what was going on. I'd missed multiple days of school, and I wasn't answering my phone because I was waiting for one of your numbers to show up. When I told him, he said the same thing my principal said when I tried to resign. 'Never turn your life upside down for a boyfriend.' As much as it broke my heart to hear that again, I knew it must be true. I'd left you voice mails that weren't acknowledged, I'd tried to see you in person, only to find you in the arms of Mayte again, which killed me. I waited and waited for you to call me, but you never did. It was time to move on. I got dressed, and he drove me to school so I could get back to work. He said it would be best to stay distracted.'

Prince shook his head. 'That must have been the day I drove over before you usually left for school to give you a piece of my mind. At that time, it never occurred to me that you might be hurting. All I could see was you not coming to see me, and it made me mad. I thought I could get hold of you before you left for school, to find out what was going on. I saw you walk out of your house and get in a car with a man I didn't recognize. I just kept driving because I was furious. I thought you'd already found someone new.'

'You thought that little of me? You thought I could be unfaithful to you? Take me home, please. I think this is enough for one day.'

'But mama-'

'You're going to have to earn the right to call me that again. Take me home. Call me tomorrow, we'll see how I feel then.'

It was a tense, quiet ride inside Prince's Bentley. Prince was confused by Sofia's anger. Of course he'd jumped to the worst possible conclusion that day in '94. It was what had happened to him over and over in the past, and seeing Sofia that day made him feel betrayed again. He remembered how easily Mayte had gotten close to him during those two weeks after Sofia returned to her apartment. Now he remembered how much she hadn't wanted them to live apart from each other, and how quickly he had given in to Mayte's advances after seeing Sofia walk out of her house that day. Maybe Sofia was seeing things more clearly than he was back then. He had beaten himself up for driving away for years. The memory of Sofia with another man had helped a little. It meant he hadn't hurt her. It looked like his assumption was wrong.

He wasn't the same man. He could see now how selfish he'd been, how unwilling he had been to consider someone else's viewpoint. The single-mindedness that he'd used to fight his way up in the music business and stay there, on his terms, had wrecked his personal life. He shook his head at how senseless it all had been.

They pulled into her driveway. She opened the door without saying a word. He could see her lower lip trembling. He knew she was about to lose it. 'I'll call you in the morning, babe,' he said, trying for an upbeat tone, and failing. She didn't respond, just walked swiftly to the front door, her coat blowing around her legs in the brisk winter wind. He watched as she let herself in the front door, saw her stumble a bit. The door closed, and she was gone.

He stared at his gloved hands on the steering wheel, symbols gleaming in the late afternoon sunlight, debating his next move. He hadn't realized his admission would hurt her so much. She still didn't know how much she meant to him. Yes, in his anger he had betrayed them. That was his norm in the 80's and 90's. His heart had never stopped wanting her, though. He just had to figure out how to convince her. He had to get her past the Prince she knew, show her the man he'd worked hard to become.