Today, in a rather small country, a rather young girl was raped.
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Last Friday, fourteen mildly disenfranchised individuals were consigned to solitary confinement for being incapable of adjusting to the norm.
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Twenty-four residents of a middle-eastern country visited twenty-four cities in six countries and blew themselves into history's shadows.
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An international oversight organization predicts the flow of refugees will double in the next four years.
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Monday will be somewhat sunny, with Tuesday through Saturday offering hurricane conditions.
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Over the past year, in a rather large county, 5,000 12-year-old girls were married to men they barely knew.
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In most major cities in the west, studies show the odds of a woman being killed by her husband are approaching 50%.
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Recent actions by the Oppressors of the imprisoned People of the eastern Mediterranean coast defy rational appraisal but are followed by thinly-veiled propagandistic "news" apologetics.
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Three major studies have been commissioned to delve into issues concerning the mental health of certain heads of state.
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In the past six months, various corporations successfully demolished the economies of nine countries.
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Over the past month, three countries' military forces, of sea and air, experienced twenty-two close-calls of threat enhancement, with no party to the events claiming intention.
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In a rather large city, there are now 7,000 custom cars that cost more than what it takes to educate 300 children through 3rd grade.
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In the next week, expect most politicians to tell, on average, three lies per day.
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It is estimated that, at any given time, approximately thirty-four priests are actively pursuing sexual abuse.
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Seven residents of three American suburbs visited two metropolises and joined certain middle-eastern history-shadows.
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It has been determined that there are currently six completely private wars that are more than three years old.
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The three states that were slammed by the hurricane will be getting very little government aid.
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We have heard, through sources unnamable, that international technology companies show evidence of sympathy with totalitarianism.
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It has been estimated, by four independent agencies, that there are still thirty million slaves on earth.
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There is no doubt that time is slowing down and threatens to reverse if world leaders don't address the facts before them.
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We have it, from reliable sources, that this outlet for news from hell will be shut down. It is unclear what will replace it...
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