Okay I'll give you chapter 3. It's not really relevant but it leads up to something. Again, the same thing, it is PG-13!
-Eliza xoxo
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The next day I don’t feel like going to school and decide to stay home and take care of Jazmine. My mom agrees just because of Jazmine’s sake. Tobias asks if I’m okay and I answer, “I’m fine,” he doesn’t buy it (of course) but doesn’t push it.
As long as I’m home I might just as well check Jazmine. It’s been a week since I’ve talked to her and guilt rises in my chest.
I quickly walk into her room, where she is lying under the covers facing away from the window. “Hey Jaz.”
She looks at me, “Wow, I thought you had moved out or something.”
I manage a chuckle. “I’m sorry, there has been so much going on and I didn’t want to make you feel worse in my own depressed state.”
“What happened?” Her voice sounds raspy, but at least she still talks to me. There will be a moment where she won’t even look at me, and I want to listen to her voice as much as I can.
“Tom dumped me.” I tell her. At that she fully turns around and her skinny face pops out from under the covers. I stare in shock to see her even skinnier than before. I can see her cheekbones perfectly, and she’s so, so, so pale and there are dark circles under her eyes.
“Tom left you?” She asks. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” I answer. She knows about the fight between Adam and Tom so she probably thinks it’s about that.
“Stupid Adam.” She says. “Sia, I’m sorry. If he came to talk to me I could probably make him tell me why he broke up with you.”
“It’s okay Jazmine,” a sad smile appears on my face, “if you want to talk to Tom just call him but don’t ask him anything, please.”
She agrees and I give him his number. I watch her stick-skinny fingers type into her phone and I notice how much her collarbone is showing. I notice how she has to breathe harder when she wants to sit up and walk. As I put my arm around her waist to guide her to the bathroom I’m shocked when I feel her ribs and her spine so sharp against my hands. Her waist is so small; she is so small in my arms. I fight back tears as she walks into the bathroom. One manages to slip down my face but I quickly wipe it and remind myself I’m here to help Jaz, not make her feel worse.
I help her back into bed and her phone buzzes. I know it’s Tom so I leave her to talk to him and go to my room. That’s when my own phone buzzes.
Look outside your window. It’s Adam so I put on a jacket and open the window. “Can I come in?” He whispers.
“You skipped school?” I ask.
“Yes, I didn’t see you and I wanted to know if you were okay.” He answers.
“Did she dump you?” I ask. Because it’s the only reason I can think that he will come to see me.
He rolls his eyes in that familiar way whenever I used to catch him in a lie and I strangely find myself smiling a little.
“Come on up.” I say wanting some company. I still remember those times when we used to be friends or at least happy together.
He climbs in through the tiny window and looks around. “Wow, your room hasn’t changed at all.” I nod.
“Yeah, my dad never bought me that new television he promised.” I say sitting on my bed. It’s incredibly weird how we’re both talking like old friends in my bedroom right now.
“I’m sorry that she left you.” I say even though I couldn’t care less.
“It was actually me who left her.” He says. “Because I love you.”
Whoa….what… “Huh?” I say confused. If I remember he hated me for leaving him and he called me a slut or whatever. He hated me. And he raped me so thinking that he loves me is just out of this world…it’s not possible. It’s too ridiculous.
“I know, I know it sounds impossible. But I do.” He turns towards me and I flinch. But when I see the pain in his face shock quickly replaces my fear. “I don’t know why I did what I did to you. I was drunk and the thought of you leaving me for someone else just, drove me crazy. I loved you so much. So can you imagine how much it hurt when you left me for him? You basically started ignoring me and then you disappeared…I didn’t know you were in an accident. No one told me and I didn’t even find out until after I uh…after I…”
“After you raped me?” I ask him. “After you proved that you hated me? Or after you proved that I belonged to you?”
He grimaces and then brings his hands up to his head. “Sia don’t…”
“Don’t what? Remind you that you raped me? Because I didn’t even accuse you, Adam, I didn’t report you.”
“You told Tobias!” He snaps at me and I sit up from my bed. When he sees how he scared me he sighs. “I’m sorry Sia. You don’t know how much this has been killing me.”
I laugh, “Oh yeah. I saw how much it killed you when you told everyone at school that you slept with me. What you did to me is unforgivable.”
“Then why did you let me kiss you?” He asks taking several steps near me. I feel like a deer caught between headlights. “Then why do you let me even touch you, after what I did?”
“Because if I don’t, you will force me to.” I say, my words dripping with hate. Momentary anger flashes through his eyes and then he slaps me. It doesn’t really hurt; it’s more the shock that makes me bring my hand up to my cheek.
After he realizes what he’s done, immediate regret takes over his face. “Oh shit, Sia I’m sorry.” He steps closer to me but I step away from him. He steps towards me again and he presses his hand against my cheek gently. “I’m sorry, I’m just so angry, don’t say things like that again. Oh god Sia I’m so sorry.” His voice sounds so honest and his eyes look so gentle when he looks at me. And I’m so confused which I guess is the reason why I let him kiss me again, and why I kiss him back. “I’m sorry, I swear Sia that I will show you how much I love you. And I promise I will show you how sorry I am for everything. I love you.”
When he’s looking at me with that familiar stare it’s hard to hate him. What the hell is wrong with me? He rapes me and then he slaps me but somehow I’m not mad at him…and then he comes and tell me he loves me…
I wish Tom were telling me he loved me instead.
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Maybe I'm old fashioned, but to respect the woman you love should be a priority.
-Tom Hiddleston
