Okay, okay I know what I am doing is stupid, but I don’t even care anymore. I miss Tom more than I can describe. Every time I even think about him agony makes me shake with solitude. I cried yesterday after Adam left because that was when I realized that I’m so pathetic crying over a man and letting another one just use me.
I see Tom everywhere and remember every single little thing about him. I remember his laugh and the sound of his voice. I remember the way he used to make those creepily accurate imitations, I also remember the way he couldn’t keep his legs closed when he sat down in a chair. I remember the way he apologized for everything, and the way he apologized for apologizing. I remember how much he loves acting and how much of his heart he puts into it. I also remember the British slang he used but I never understood and his obsession with pudding, tennis and tea. I remember the feeling of his lips against mine and how much I loved him.
Ugh I feel like I’m in a Taylor Swift break up song.
I tell my mom I don’t feel like going to school and when she sees my face, she only agrees. I hug Tobias good bye and decide to go upstairs with Jaz where she’s quickly typing into her phone.
“Hey Jaz,” I say as I walk into her room.
She looks up at me, “Hey. You look like shit.”
“I know.” I say. “Do you need anything, or is Tom keeping you busy?”
She rolls her eyes, “I’m sorry okay? We’re just talking Sia, nothing about you. We just talk.” Jealousy twists my stomach when I see her smile at a text Tom just sent her.
“Uh, call me if you need anything.” I say walking out of her room. When I walk into my room I see Adam has crept in through the window.
“What are you doing here? It’s one thirty in the afternoon, school isn’t over for another two hours.” I ask him.
“I know Sia, I’m not stupid.” He mutters at me. He sighs irritated and says, “I’m going to take you out.”
“What?” I ask.
“You heard me.” He says. “I want to take you out.” It seems like he doesn’t want to take me out but more like he has to take me out.
“Um, okay. Just let me give Jazmine her sleeping pills.”
Mom brought these sleeping pills from the hospital that just knock Jazmine out cold. “Here are your sleeping pills. Take them now.” I tell her.
She nods and sits up with her eyes closed with as she touches her temples. She grabs her water bottle sitting beside her phone and almost five minutes after she takes them, she’s asleep.
I walk back to my room and shut the door. “Okay, my mom won’t be back until six and Tobias won’t be back until five because he’s got after school suspension this week.” I tell Adam.
“Okay.” He answers. I look at the floor the whole time so he doesn’t notice my ugly puffy face. When I go to my closet and open it I start to look for a dress or something I could wear.
“Put on that little white dress, the one you wore on our third date.” He says. I turn around surprised that he remembers. He lifts his eyebrows and smiles a little. “I do remember because I was so fucking nervous because I knew that I was going to kiss you.”
