Jacqueline || BWWM

Chapter Twenty Eight

Finn drops my hand as we near the building's exit. He pushes the metal door back and steps to the side, allowing me to walk past him. I'm not sure where his car is-did he even bring a car?-so I just stand awkwardly to the side while he fishes his keys out of his jean pocket.

"Stop looking so scared. It's just me." His words are spoken in his normal I-got-no-care-in-the-world-tone. He even puts his hands up in an innocent gesture, perhaps in an effort to ease my runaway nerves.

All I can offer him is a wimpy smile. Pathetic at its best, I'm well aware. "I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of myself."

Have you ever told someone the blunt truth, but then a second later wished you hadn't? That just happened to me. I didn't mean to tell Finn what was on my mind, the words just tumbled out of my mouth.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

My face is frozen in shock- mouth wide open in the form of a large 'O' and eyes as wide as saucers. Finn just stares at me in confusion.

"I...don't understand."

Thank the heavens for that.

I look up and straight into the awaiting silver eyes of the boy just a few feet out of my reach. In a tone that is as soft as my voice can possibly be, I whisper, "I am glad that you don't" because if you did, I'm not sure you'd still like me.

The words sounded selfish in my mind, and even more so once uttered out loud. None the less, they are the ugly truth. The inconsiderate part of me is really glad that he doesn't get the meaning behind them. That part of me also has no intention of explaining them either, even if that puts a wall between us.

Finn collapses his mouth shut and looks at me. Like really looks at me. I feel his burning gaze all over my face, searching and searching for some mystery he believes lays within me. Out of discomfort and a bit of guilt, I fidget with my fingers and force myself to keep looking ahead and not at the ground. We stand like that him leaning against the library's door and I standing just an arm's reach away from him for what feels like hours. Finally, Finn lifts his head up in a slight nod and pushes away from the door.

"Come on, a careless night awaits us." That said, Finn is back to the cheerful mood he was in minutes earlier. It's like our little conversation never happened the way he so causally grabs my hand and leads me to his car.

"So...we're just going to do this?"

He opens the door for me, and I get into the cozy little car before he returns to the driver's side.

"Yeah. You'll explain what your words meant when you're ready. Until that time comes, let's just have fun."

It's hard to make out his face in the darkness, so I decide to imagine him. In my mind, he shrugs carelessly as a 'what can do about it?' closed lip takes over his lips.

"I like that idea."

Finn backs out of the parking lot and drives onto the highway. We both stay quiet for a few minutes, him looking focused on the road ahead and I busy wondering why I'm being quiet.

I turn away from the window and look at the side of Finn's head. "You want to know something weird?"

"You really know how to start a conversation." His voice is light and teasing. I don't have to see his face to know that his signature smirk is in place along with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"Shut up."

"Enlighten me: what's weird."

"We've been texting and calling each other for two weeks with no problem whatsoever, but no that we're face to face, we don't know what to say."