Jacqueline || BWWM

Chapter Forty Three

I can't breath. It feels like I'm under water, deep in the ocean without an oxygen mask. My body is numb to the pain, it's sting feels no different from the one of pleasure.

All my lives spin before me. Every thought and dream I've ever had blurs the line separating sane and insanity until I'm isolated. Far from the world, in a little black hole of my own, I curl my body into a little ball and cry.

On the path between denial and understanding, I chose to sink into  the darkness that surrounds me.

In the mist of reality and a nightmare, I hold onto my mind tightly. That's all I have left. My body has abandoned me and no one hears my screams.

***

I swim in the comforting sea of blackness for what feels like hours. Every now and then, I hear noises from what I assume is the outside world, but I'm unsure. I find no surprise in this. It seems like the longer I swim, the more unsure I became of things, the less I hear noises from the world beyond me.

At first, I don't see this as a bad thing, so I swim deeper. I allow the Black Sea to swallow what's left of my being without one scream. I relish the feeling of not  knowing a single thing about myself and my surroundings. I enjoy being nothing more than an empty canvas, until I hear his voice.

It's deep and demanding. Confident and natural. Freaked out yet at the same time tightly controlled. Attached to everything I call good.

I know it's his voice, but I still struggle to remember who he is and why he matters so much.  Thinking gets harder when the dark sea tries pulling me back down. A part of me wants to continue living in its calming embrace, but something in me knows if I do that, I might never hear his voice again. For a reason I can't wrap my head around, a huge part of me doesn't favor that idea.

So I push back.

I thrush in my fight to stay above the darkness. Wounds and scars litter my body. Voices tell me that it's not worth it, yet I can't stop fighting.

I won't stop fighting.

For the first time in my life, I recognize just how badly I don't rant to swim forever. How much I don't want the darkness to win.

On the trail between reality and a nightmare, I come face to face with the truth I've searching for and hiding from my whole life.

Teresa King attempted to kill my entire family.

***
Finn

McCay, Jace and I were watching The Nightmare on Elm Street when Jay called Jace. Not knowing what was going on and thinking that Jace was pale because of the bloody scene on the tv, McCay and I threw popcorn kernels at him.

"Stop being a pussy, Jace." McCay smirked, picking Chip off the floor. Chip, aways the attention seeker, wagged his tail in approval and pawed at McCay's shirt.

Across McCay, Jace's face had taken a slight green shade, and it had looked like he was having a hard time breathing.

That's when I started worrying.

Jace didn't care for bloody movies, anyone who'd ever watched a horror movie with him knew that, but he never got sick because of them.