Jacqueline || BWWM

Chapter Forty Four

The doctor enters my room not long after the word 'too' has left my lips. He's a middle aged man looking to be around his late forties. Wearing a smile big enough to swallow me whole, he walks over to my bed and takes a sit across Finn on a wheel-y stool.

By this time, everyone who was once asleep is now awake. They all look at me with glowing faces behind their tear stained faces. In return, I offer them my best attempt at an I'm-okay-smile.

"Welcome back, Jacqueline." Are the three words the doctor utters before asking a ton more of questions. From "how are you feeling' to "what do you think was the cause of your panic attack' he leaves no stone unturned. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted when he recites his last paragraph.

"According to your test results," He begins, eyed scanning a piece of paper a nurse handed him. "You should be fine to go home by this afternoon" That said, he makes small talk for another minute before finally leaving.

Jace is the first to move from his spot by Robert's side. He rushes to my side and leans over the tubes plugged into my nose. His lean arms wrap around my shoulders in a makeshift hug. I drop Finn's hand to pat his back lightly in what I hope is a comforting manner.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," He whispers, voice huskily and tired as he pulls away.

I look up at his naturally tan face with a
genuinely honest smile as warmth spreads throughout my stomach.

Twelve years ago I laid in a bed not much different from the one I rest in now. A doctor stared down at me with sorrowful eyes, edgering waiting for me to break down. I did no such thing as I gazed at all the grown men and women in my small room. Their words were nothing but lies...

Mommy and Daddy will come soon...

I had ensured myself.

They wouldn't have gone to lay with God without me.

I had thought for certain.

As time passed on and all the strangers continued looking at me as if I was some neglected pet someone had step on, the idea that my parents might actually be gone slowly started to sink in. With that realized knowledge also came the tears that everybody had seemed so desperate to see.

I remember crying for what in that moment felt like forever. At first, no one came to my aid. They all just peered down at me with sympathetic eyes. Each wanting to make the waterworks stop, yet at the same time knowing I needed to let them out. To them, there must have been no middle ground. That's where she was different. Back then she was only in her early twenties, a good ten years younger then every other adult in the room. Because she was still quite new to the job, I was one of the first in massive number of broken children she would later encounter.

Unlike all before her, the second she saw me she broke down. Tears stained her pale cheeks as she walked over to me and took me in her arms, and whispered how it would all okay be okay...

"Maybe not today,or tomorrow, but eventually, you will be okay."

Being just barely six, I didn't understand what her words meant, but none the less, I quieted down. She held me tight for a while while the elders in my room discussed my new life plan.

Finally, all were gone but her and this older man. He had rich brown greying hair and enough stress wriggles to look double his age. Before he too left my room, he said,

"Miss Gomez, do yourself a favor and finish the white sheet before you come find me."

I don't remember well what Seilah said. Maybe she nodded her head in understanding or maybe she kept her mouth shut.

When the door closed behind old man grumpy, Seilah turned to me and whispered softly, "It says here your name is Jacqueline."

More than likely, I had nodded my head numbly.

"That's a bit of a mouthful, may I call you Jackie?"

All my life I'd went by the nickname Jackie. I loved it because it was light and easy to say. Completing the list of why I preferred it to my other nicknames was because my dad had given it to me without giving one to Nathan. Being young, there was nothing better than that.

At that moment in my young life, as I looked at Seilah with indecisive eyes, I was anything but happy. I was the little puppy someone had run over. When I opened my mouth, a name I'd never been called fell out of my lips, "No. I'm Lin."

"That's a beautiful little name." She had smiled in effort to try and brighten the dark clouds that surrounded me.

Seilah stayed with me for next half hour. Telling me meaningless little stories in a vain attempt to distract me. By the time she too had to go, I'd almost forgotten. Hope had started to swim in my veins. Foolish dreams of my parents still being around clouded my better judgment until the door closed behind her.

That's when the light haze I'd covered myself in vanished. In its place came this raw, hungry void.

Looking back now, I blame the events that happened on that feeling of loneliness. Of knowing I was alone with no one left. Never in my live had I ever felt so hollow, so empty.

My parents has always been there. They were the type of couple who dropped everything in order to be there for their kids, no matter how small the problem was.

Now filled with the knowledge that they truly weren't coming back, and having no one else to turn to, I did the only thing that had felt right at that age: I threw a fit. I kicked at the sheets that covered me, banged my fists on the bed, thrashed my head side to side and screamed. And when that did nothing to ease the pressure on my chest, to stop breathing from being so hard, I started pulling at the tubs plugged into my nose and arms. Soon I realized that if I pulled hard enough, I could make myself black out for a short few seconds. During that little time, nothing hurt. It was like I was a new person or something. Young me relished that feeling. So I pulled harder. I pulled the tubs with all my might until the ones in my nose came out.

That's when I blacked out for what I had thought was going to be forever. I thought I was finally going to join my parents and little brother. Imagine my disappoint when I opened my eyes a few hours later, not in heaven, but in the same white room I'd backed out in.

_________

Hey Queens! Thank you so much for reading. Please vote, comment and share if you liked this chapter.

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. I hate authors who take months to update, but that's what I've done for a while. I'm sorry for that. I'm slowly getting my head back in the game though.

In fact, I should have part two of this chapter published by Sunday at the latest:)

My goal is to finish this book before I turn fourteen on the 24th, so hey! You never know. You might be getting five updates in the next coming two weeks.

Thank you guys for all of your support,

XXX Liv

DP: May.11.18
WC: 1,175