I hated goodbye's. Not because they were hard on me emotionally, but because I could never quite communicate them properly. It was always an awkward moment for me. I felt more awkward than usual as I stood in my driveway, trying to find the right way to say bye to Ashton as his Uber waited semi-patiently for us to end the cringe-worthy scene. It was nearing midnight now, I was growing tired and yawning more and more as every second went by and Ashton had to take off to the studio for the night anyway. So things worked out pretty well with timing.
"Thank you again." Ashton gave a small smile. His curls blew in random directions from the wind. He leaned against the open car door casually, not caring that the Uber was already starting to charge him. He promised to tip graciously and maybe buy the driver some food. I suppose, it was that easy to swoon and convince anyone to do anything for you if you were Ashton Irwin. It seemed to work that way too if you were Luke Hemmings. "I appreciate you being there."
"I'm glad I could be useful." I returned the smile. I tucked my unruly waves behind my ears to keep them from flying over my face and making this moment a lot less cuter than it already was not. "I'm here to stay."
I watched Ashton's shoulder fall as he sighed heavily and a look of regret washed over his face. "I'm sorry about the mall incident. I know I'll get an earful from PR, but I'll try my best to fix it." That sounded sincere enough to calm my nerves. I had been terrified to check my phone and see what old friends were trying to come back in my life to benefit from my sudden rise to fame or see what was being said on Twitter about me.
"I'll hold you to that." I said. "I hope I can trust you."
"I think you know you can by now." He spoke confidently, but quickly noticed my skepticism and wanted to redeem himself. "I mean not to sound cocky or anything."
"I get you." I dipped my head. "I'll let you go. I'm sure the guys are waiting for you."
"Right." He nodded to himself as if he forgot what he was doing in the first place. "Thank you again, Talia."
"Any time."
We parted and I watched the car zoom out of the gated residency and disappear back to Los Angeles. There wasn't a hug, not a peck on the cheek. Just a few words.
I took careful steps back inside my home. Xander was right there on the other side of the front door, waiting for me with a giddy smile, hoping I'd have good news for him. Sofia had left hours ago, so he wanted in on all the Ashton and Talia gossip when there wasn't much to tell since everyone thought they had us all figured out.
"How did it go?" Xander lazily threw an arm over my shoulders as we walked back to my room. "Enjoy your time with the drummer?"
I shrugged his arm off as we entered my room.
"It was decent."
I threw myself on my bed, once again finding solace in staring up at the ceiling as usual. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the leftover remnants of mascara rub onto my palms and under eyes. I wanted to rub the tiredness away. After all, I knew I wasn't going to sleep tonight anyway. If I was lucky enough I'd fall asleep around seven in the morning and wake up in the late afternoon or early evening and feel a total sense of regret.
"You guys almost kiss and you wanna tell me your time with him was decent?" Xander wanted to scoff, but he was trying to tone down his obnoxious nature since he could tell I wasn't in the mood tonight. He always knew when to start and when to stop. Sibling telepathy, if you will. "No one likes a liar, T."
"No one likes a snoopy skank."
"Okay, well, rude!"
-
Three in the morning. Blood shot eyes, deep breaths, a racing heart with a racing mind. I sat in my bed with dim lighting, sketching away something, anything that came to mind to distract me from my thoughts, to make me tired enough to fall asleep any moment now. Four complete sketches in and I was wide awake. I silently shared angry words with myself as I had finished a bottle of melatonin a little before Christmas and never went out to purchase a new one. Things like that just went over my head if I didn't make reminders for myself.
Halfway through my last sketch, I couldn't even finish. My hands were shaking and my body was telling my I needed a cigarette break. So I sat on my balcony, letting the crashing waves soothe me along with the cigarette. It had been a few days since I had picked one up, that was a record for me.
I heard my phone go off inside my room. I panicked, wondering who it could be. I made Xander get rid of everything I didn't want to see before I poked my nose back into my phone. He spent a solid thirty minutes blocking number after number to get rid of anything that would make me feel like shit.
I padded back into my room to grab my phone from my nightstand, then walked back outside and took my seat again. I had a few texts from Ashton. I never remembered saving or exchanging numbers so he might've done this on the down low.
Ashton: Missing you...
Ashton: Here's a snippet of something we're working on. Keep it safe for me.
Ashton: End_Up_Here(Demo).mp3
I hit play on the audio.
Next day out
Everybody thought you were so insane
'Cause you were so far out of my league
My friends say I should lock you down
Before you figure me out and you run away
But you don't and you wont as you kiss me
And you tell me that you're here to stay
Like clock work, as soon as the audio ended, Ashton was calling me. I let it ring three times so I didn't seem too desperate.
"So, what did you think?" He interrogated me playfully.
"I enjoyed it." I insisted. It was likely the roughest draft of the song, but it still sounded great. Any draft of a 5SOS song was incredible. "How long did it take to write the whole thing?"
"Maybe an hour or so. Didn't take too long. I've been inspired recently."
"You're a true talent, Ashton." I reminded him. It wasn't like he needed to hear it from me though. I finished my cigarette, putting out the butt on the ashtray and leaving it there.
"Why, thank you."
"Did Luke take it easy on you when he saw you?" I fiddled with the lighter.
"He's not as bothered as we both figured." Ashton sounded nonchalant and calm about the Luke situation. Was there even a Luke situation? Was I over thinking it? "It sounds windy."
"I'm on the balcony." I sighed. "Cant sleep. Tired, but can't sleep."
"Maybe it's because you knew I've been working on something incredible for you." He teased.
"What do you mean?"
"You'll understand soon enough."
