November 7, 2014
When I walked through the door Luke was sweeping the floor, which was weird because he hated cleaning. We exchanged smiles and that wasn't the usual greeting shared between. Being engulfed in a hug or having someone cling to my side right when I got back was what I expect.
The first thing I did was change into one of Ashton's shirts and put on a pair of fuzzy socks. It was like a bad habit. I had no reason putting his shirt on, but I still did. I dug through my underwear drawer until I reached a few things on the bottom.
I unfolded the letter that had my name written across it and I read the letter three times. By the fourth time I stopped at the line that says, "It all seems so silly because we'll see each other soon - sooner than you think." If I read this again I'd cause myself to cry.
I held up the laminated pass from August. Jet hung hers on the wall of her dorm and I hid mine away.
Next, I clutched the black velvet box the necklace came in while I read the letter supplied with it. I read one sentence and shoved everything back in the drawer and covered it all up.
To get my mind off the torturous thoughts, I walked back to the living room in hopes to have Luke distract me.
But my thoughts still swarmed with questions about Ashton. I was too curious for my own good. I wanted to text Ashton so bad, but I fought myself every day not to do that.
"If I ask you something, Luke, you won't get mad, right?"
He fixed the magazines that were scattered all over the coffee table, and made them into a neat pile in the center. "Why would I get mad?"
"It's about Ashton..."
He stopped what he was doing and gave me a sympathetic look, "Ask away."
Luke, of all people, knew that I wouldn't just toss Ashton aside from my mind so easily. Luke knew that Ashton still took up all of my thoughts. I woke up thinking about him, I spent the little activities throughout my day thinking about him, there were things I did that reminded me of him, and I fell asleep with him on my mind. If I allowed myself to, I could take a day off from everything and everyone and write out every single thought I had that involved Ashton.
Wasn't it terrible how someone who was longer around, could invade me like this?
"How is he?" I hesitantly asked. I still cared about him, despite convincing myself I didn't. How could I not care about someone who turned my life around?
I could waltz around New York City like Ashton and I never happened, like I had tried to do, but everyone would sense the act.
To top off the situation, my family was still in the midst of believing Ashton and I were a thing. To my lack of knowledge, Ashton probably still exchanged texts with my own mother and couldn't pick up the phone to have a five minute phone call with me.
"He's a wreck..." Luke sighed. "He's still with Sarah. I know the other night happened, but nothing is stopping him right now."
This, I saw coming. This was expected.
Sarah manipulated her way back to Ashton and Ashton being Ashton, he held no power to deny her.
"The last month we were all together; Ashton didn't eat much, he slept a lot." Luke leaned against this beam that was mounted in the floor, where the dining room met the living room. "We went out one night, he was drunk off his ass and ready to call you. He was giving this drunken monologue, he does those a lot when he's drunk, and then he decided to throw his phone in the toilet."
My heart fluttered when I heard he was ready to call me. Any call from Ashton would be accepted, drunken or sober, night or day.
"I just wouldn't worry about it too much."
"Yeah, you're right." I nodded in agreement.
But, no, he wasn't right. None of this was right. How easy was it for him to tell me not to worry about Ashton when he was still battling Arina.
"Has Arina texted you?" I asked to direct the conversation somewhere else because talking about Ashton got tiring.
"Yeah. Everyday." Luke sighed. "She keeps leaking things. Our private conversations and pictures. I just don't know. It's her way of spiting me. She has no clue I'm here either. She's assuming I'm back in Malibu, but she won't dare go to my mum's house and bother her. My mum hates her."
"We all do, Luke." I laughed.
-
"I can't believe you even got tickets to see The Vaccines!" I beamed with excitement as we sat in the backseat of a cab. I had not shut up since getting in the cab and I think I was beginning to annoy the driver. "I didn't even know they were going to be here."
"I hope they open with Nørgaard." I rolled my eyes at Luke's words.
"Screw Nørgaard!"
"Hey!" Luke whined. "Amanda Nørgaard has feelings too!"
"You guys talkin' about the model?" The driver asked. I was slightly bothered by cab drivers trying to make conversation. I'd like to get to my destination without talking to sweaty middle-aged man who thought he could preach about his life mistakes.
"Yeah." Luke confirmed.
"I drove her once." The driver laughed. "She offered me oral sex as a payment."
No one talked for the rest of the car ride.
"Here's your stop. Twenty dollars, please." Luke paid him off.
"Are you ready?" Luke asked as he waited in line for our tickets to be scanned.
"I'm never ready for anything." I was the most unprepared person I knew.
If there was any such thing as standing in a row when you had tickets in the pit, then I would say we were standing three rows from the stage.
The band was incredible. The night was full of dancing and jumping and singing until my voice gave out. The set list was perfect, with the performances of all my favorite songs by The Vaccines.
Though, they didn't open with Nørgaard, but closed with it and that made for a very happy Luke, who spun me around and sang the song to me.
This was the best birthday present ever.
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