A week later - Malibu
"I've missed you a lot." Luke kicked his feet over my lap as we sat on his bed at his parent's home. "I thought you forgot about me."
I wanted to scoff, roll my eyes, and shove him off me all at the same time. I suppose he was having one of his better days since he was hanging out back in Malibu. It was the first time I had seen him in Malibu in a while. All his time was spent in Los Angeles, getting photographed with his new girl for a couple thousand dollars. He tried to say it was just promo for the new album, but it sure seemed like he was getting way too invested in something that wasn't real. Couldn't blame him, we had all been there before, right?
"You're pretty easy to forget about." I locked my phone after replying to a text from Ashton who was hanging out with Michael. I tossed the device aside, giving Luke my full attention even though I didn't want to.
"That's harsh." He said, the corners of his mouth forming into a frown.
I hated that I couldn't figure out how to be with Luke anymore. One second we were okay, the next it was like we didn't exist to each other. I didn't want the back and forth friendship he could offer me right now. He was going through some shit that I didn't understand, and I wasn't ready to ask him. I had an idea of what was going on. With so many late-night party photos of him existing now and as many bathroom trips he was making like Arina, one could put two and two together. Sure, I was watching one of my oldest best friends crumble right before my eyes, but I didn't know how to lend a helping hand. His own bandmates couldn't figure that out either.
"How is Ashton treating you?" Luke twirled the ends of my hair around his forefinger. This was his attempt at girl talk. "How are things with him?"
"We don't really have to talk about Ashton each time we're alone, you know?" I needed to get girl friends that talked about other things besides their partying and my boyfriend. An educational talk here and there wouldn't hurt.
"He never shuts up about you." Luke shrugged.
"Funny."
"It's not meant to be funny..."
"Well, I'm not laughing so..." I trailed off. Luke dropped his hand from hair, making a loud pat sound on the bed as his palm hit it.
There was so much awkward tension between us, I began to forget how Luke and I used to be. Did we joke with each other? Did we cry with each other? What kind of things did we do in our free time together? Why did our whole friendship feel like a joke now? Why was I overthinking this?
"I'm sorry, T." He rubbed his eyes, making his dark circles worse. He needed a color corrector and full coverage concealer to make himself look awake - alive. "I haven't been around much and I'm sorry about that."
I wanted him to continue his apologize. I wanted him to tell me he knew he was getting caught up in things he didn't need to be involved with and his new friends were no good for him, but it was too soon for him to admit anything. It was too soon for him to admit he was stuck and needed help. His stubborn nature didn't help with that at all either.
I didn't accept or reject the apology. I wasn't sure what was in my best interest to do. My heart didn't have the motivation to forgive him or have this conversation right now.
"I'm leaving in August." I turned the subject somewhere else. He was the last person I had to tell about school. I didn't want it to be that way. Of course, under any other circumstances, he would've been the first person I told. Things were just weird now.
"Back to Greece?" He sat up straighter, crossing his legs. He was fully attentive now.
"I'm going to college in New York." Blunt and straight to the point.
"Are you joking? You've always known you aren't a funny person either." He argued.
"I'm not trying to be funny..." I took a deep breath. I had to remind myself to not overreact or react negatively at all. I couldn't have a yelling match with Luke. "It's the perfect time to start my life. Everything has finally fallen into place..."
Whether I wanted to accept it or not, I was going to lose Luke someway eventually. His career was just starting. He had a number one album, he was growing up, he was getting new friends on the daily. We weren't going to be just Talia and Luke forever. Luke didn't say anything. His gaze was attached to the sheets below us.
"Are you going to sit there quietly or congratulate me?"
"The first one?" He shrugged his shoulders dramatically.
"You won't even notice I'm gone." I didn't think I needed to validate my choice to Luke because I never once asked him to validate any of his choices. "You'll be touring."
"Sure." Was all he said.
"I don't know why you're being like this? It sucks. I really had a better scene planned out in my head. I thought this would go differently."
He shrugged again.
"I'm just going to leave." I grabbed my phone, brushing quickly through the house until I got to the front door. Every time I didn't want to overreact, I did. I got myself nowhere. I could chant this positive shit into my head, but I still found ways to destroy myself and any situation I was in.
I decided to walk in the opposite direction of my house, making way out of the private neighborhood. It wasn't smart to do that since PCH was such a busy road, but I did it anyway. There was a slight chill in the air, I tightened my cardigan closer to my body after shoving my phone in my back pocket. As I passed the gate to the tiny community, I was met with hills to my right and trees to my left. The branches glided through the wind so gracefully, causing a few leaves to fall to the sidewalk. There was an irritating number of seagulls and birds flocking the area. Nothing aggravated me more when I was upset than seagulls screeching and bird chirping like they owned the place.
Luke's words on Christmas morning crossed my mind, "What would humans be without selfishness?" Was I being selfish for wanting to leave? Or were Luke and my dad being selfish because they didn't want me to leave them? I believed in this case it was okay for me to be selfish if the selfishness was towards creating a life for myself. What was the harm in that?
A jeep full of Barbie and Ken lookalikes zoomed past me. The passengers yelling different things at me as every one of them except the driver, sprayed me with low-priced beer. This added to the mood of the shitty day I felt I was having. My eyes were welling up with tears at the same time I stood there in place. I had been walking for so long, not realizing at I had ended up at one of the malls in town. I looked ahead to see a blur of my tears. I crossed the street even though the cars had the green light. Car horns, screeching breaks, and livid drivers yelled at me all at once.
I walked towards the main entrance of the mall, hoping no one would recognize me. Sobs completely took me over. I could feel the stares of strangers as I hugged my own torso. They probably thought I was a cheap drunken whore who smelt of beer.
I fumbled to dial Xander's number. Hearing his voice on the other end, caused me to break down more.
"T?"
"Xander? Can you come pick me up?" Snot was spilling at an ugly rate out of my nose. God this was embarrassing, but this was my karma for keeping shit so bottled up recently.
"What's wrong? Where are you?"
"The Oaks Mall...by the entrance..."
"Don't move. I'll be right there."
