//Holding onto you//-Septiplier Skype story

It's all my fault

Marks P. O. V.

Nothing was the same anymore. The house felt empty, the bed felt empty, my whole world felt empty cause Jack wasnt there. His voice didn't fill the house like it did when he was recording. It was just quiet.

It's been at least 12 hours since I saw him in that hospital bed and I was planning on going back everyday until he woke up. Everytime I closed my eyes images of Jack bleeding out on the floor and laying in the hospital bed raced through my mind. I didn't get much sleep.

The next day Sarah and Ethan were flying in from New York. I thought Sarah was going to curse me out for hurting Jack so I didn't really want to go with Felix and Ryan to pick her and Ethan up but they insisted I came. So I went.

"Mark do you know what gate they are?" Felix asked. I shook my head. Felix texted them and they told us to wait at the front entrance for them so we walked back there and waited. My heart was pounding in my chest because I was scared that Sarah was going to hate me. She probably did. It's my fault anyways. I wiped my eyes, trying not to cry again like the baby I am. I just want him here in my arms where he belongs.

Amy's seriously going to fucking get it the next time I see her. I was looking down and messing with my fingers. I tend to do that when I'm nervous. Flash backs of the night of the party came into my head and I sniffled again, attempting not to cry again in front of all these people at the airport.

I soon looked up and saw Sarah and Ethan walking over, taking about something. I quickly looked down again and braced for the slap I was probably going to get as soon as they got close enough. But instead a pair on arms wrapped around me which I was not expecting. I looked up slightly to see it was Sarah. "Mark I am so sorry. I shouldnt have blamed you please forgive me." She said. "I-Its okay." I said, gently hugging her back. When she pulled away I wiped a few stray tears off of my face.

"Now let's go see Jack." 

~~~~~

*later that night*

Everyone was staying at my house now. Sarah was still a bit shaken up even thought we had left the hospital a few hours ago. It must be hard on her. Seeing her brother in a hospital bed all covered in tubes and other stuff. Oh what am I even saying it's worse on me. I love him so much and seeing him like that just breaks me.

Once again I was laying down, just looking up not being able to fall asleep. This time when I closed my eyes and tried to sleep I could hear and see Jack crying that time after he didn't take his pills and freaked out while we were taking a break from the live stream to have lunch.

I got up and got my laptop from my side table and a pair of headphones. I went onto youtube and clicked on a video. An old video of me and Jack playing the forest. I must have watched his videos for hours before realizing it was 4:30am and I couldnt stop crying. I glance over to look at where Jack used to sleep. I had left it exactly the way it was when he left.

I could picture him sleeping there. Curled up in a ball, his arms near his chest or sometimes he had one sprawled out. His hair would be either back or everywhere depending on how long ago he had fallen asleep.  Usually the second I would lay next to him he would latch onto me. I missed that. His breath hot on my neck as I fell in a deep sleep. He mumbled and made cute noises sometimes. I wiped my eyes as those memories flooded back realizing it was 5am. I went downstairs to make coffee to wake myself up a bit.

"You didn't sleep either?"

I looked up to find Sarah. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. I was so tired but I didn't want to sleep until I got him back. "It's hard too. I'm so used to falling asleep with Jack in my arms or at least close to me." I replied and turned on the coffee machine. "Yeah. But Mark even though he isn't here right now don't you think he would want you to be getting proper rest and taking care of yourself. I know you haven't eaten since the live stream lunch." She said. I looked down and sighed, running my hands through my hair. "I know. I- It's just so empty without him. I actually feel pain that he isn't here. And to know I-- never mind." I said and went back to making coffee but Sarah stopped me.