So You're Trapped in an Alternate Universe?

Richpez - Together

"You know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you knew it too. I know you did." She said looking me straight in the eyes, well as straight in the eyes as you could over FaceTime.

"Yes."

"Why aren't we then?" She asked, still unmoving and staring at me intently.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, looking down and away from her.

"Joey. Look at me right now and tell me why we aren't together."

"You know I want to be with you, it's just the dis-"

"Oh don't even start with me on that distance bullshit, Joey. I love you and you love me why does it matter where we live?" She said cutting me off.

I could always appreciate this about her. She didn't take shit from anyone, especially me, and she would look at you until you were basically forced to look back at her. I was trying my hardest to not look at her most of this call. I knew if I did I would give in and be with her. I wanted to be with her so bad but she lives so far away. I'm only in Chicago a few months out of the year. I can't do that to her, I can't make her wait on me all the time.

"It just does, okay?" I say back sounding angrier than I was.

I watched as she pulled back and looked away from the screen.

"Fine. I'll see you Saturday." She said, with a quick hang up of the call.

Fuck.

I knew she was probably crying now. I could see the tears start to form in her eyes before she hung up. I'm such a fucking asshole, but it will only hurt her worse to have me for so little time and then have me leave her again. I let a few silent tears fall down my face for the love that we will always have but can never develop.

I'm honestly surprised that she reminded me of Saturday, not that I had forgotten, because after me basically breaking her heart, she was still going to come to LA to see me. Of course she was. If I wasn't such a fucking dick I would go see her more often. I hated when she came to see me too. We'd basically be together for however long we were together, and then we'd leave and I'd break her heart again. I love her, but all I ever do is break her heart. If only she knew that every time I told her we can't be together, my heart breaks too.

She always tells me how dumb I am. How we can do the distance and things will be fine. It's not hard to visit, and maybe we could even decide on LA/Chicago and both of us being there someday. I want that more than anything, I really do. I'm just not strong like her. I need her like I need air and water, and she doesn't understand. I can't just have her wrapped in my arms for days or weeks, or even months when we are lucky, just to have her ripped from them again because I'm going back to LA or she is going back to Chicago.

It honestly physically hurts to be apart. I asked my mom about it and she said it's part of meeting your soulmate and not being with them. The pain is even worse when you're close and you just ignore it. There have been times where I literally thought I was having a heart attack, and times were I have watched Lauren leave the room in tears because she was in so much pain.

The physical pain would never outweigh the emotional pain. I knew it had to hurt her just as bad as it hurt me, that's why I can't do this. It hurts to be apart. Sometimes I think I would literally rather die than be so far away from her. I honestly probably would. That's why I'm so scared. If it hurts like this now, how will it feel if we are actually together? One time Meredith had to go back to Michigan for a few weeks to take care of her mom and Brian couldn't go with her for some reason. I literally thought Brian might die. There were nights when he woke up screaming, and days where he couldn't eat. It was horrible to watch. When Meredith came back, they just kind of hugged for a really long time, and after that they haven't been apart like that since.

Lauren always tells me that it's worth it, and even though I could take all of that pain forever just to say she was mine, I could never let that happen to her.

I picked her up from the airport on Saturday, and it's like everything in the world was good again. I knew we would both feel better, you always do when you're around your soul mate, but I didn't say anything. Not even Lauren who usually brings up every reason on why we should be together every time she sees me mentioned it.

We both just ignored the kiss we shared when she jumped into my arms, and the fact that I haven't let go of her hand since I sat her down and grabbed her luggage.

"Can we watch the sunset tonight?" She asked me as I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex.

"Whatever you want." I said back, putting the car in park and looking over to her.

"You already know what I want, Joey." She said back looking me dead in the eyes and grabbing my hand a little tighter.

I took her to the roof to watch the sunset that night. I didn't even watch the sun go down. I just watched her as she silently cried as the sky turned from pink, to orange, to black. I knew I was the cause of the tears. The first day here and I've already hurt her, and she wonders why we can't be together.

"I'm moving to LA." She says, looking away from where the sun used to be to look at me.

"Pardon?"

"I'm moving to LA." She said again.

"Uhhh."

"If you don't want to be with my because of distance, then I'll come here. There's better job opportunities here anyway, but jobs don't even matter. I would move anywhere to be with you. I love you, Joey, and I know you love me. I know you don't want to be together because you're scared of hurting me, but it hurts me more to be apart from you. We are written in the stars up there, and I won't take no for an answer anymore. I know you feel it in your heart, Joey, because I feel it in mine. Stop being scared and be with me, because if I have to go another second not being with you I might die."

She was moving for me. I'm a fucking asshole. She is moving her life just to be with me. I should have stayed in Chicago all of those times I was there for Starkid. I'm the worst. I do not deserve her. I wouldn't care if she had to go to England right now, and I wouldn't see her for months. She was right. It's dumb to not be together.

"I don't deserve you, and I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain." I say back, cupping her face with my hands.

"It's okay. I'll just be sure to pay you back in the next life." She said putting her arms around my neck and pulling me in for our first kiss as a couple.