Janet
I followed her into the living room. "Shawn please don't walk away from me like that." She stood there with her back to me. "Can we at least just talk about this?"
"J what is there to talk about?" She was clearly very irritated now and I didn't want to fight.
"We need to about this... a- about us."
"Us?" She turned gave me. "Janet I don't even know how you feel about me. First you won't give me the time of day and then you tell me that you're jealous seeing me with another girl... That just confuses me." I took at seat on the couch for a moment trying to catch my breath. The pain in my side was growing harder to ignore.
"Shawn I'm married." I said. She folded her arms and shook her head at as I tried to explain. "I know what kind of man my husband is, but I took a vow in front of God. Even though he may not deserve it sometimes, I have tried to honor that vow."
"And I understand that J but-"
"No Shawn, you don't. You want me change things for you over night. You want me just say fuck my husband and be with you, but Shawn I had try. That is 10 years of my life that I am not getting back. Understand that I had to try."
She sat down next me. "Janet I'm-"
"Just listen to me please." I interrupted and paused for a moment choosing my words carefully. "I'm confused and scared too. I've never had these feelings for any woman other than you." She tried hold my hand to comfort me but I pulled away. I was over her making this about herself.
"I'm sorry." She said finally. "I never meant to pressure you." Shawn took a knee in front of me but I wouldn't look at her. She lifted my chin forcing me to make eye contact. "Please don't be mad at me." I rolled my eyes and looked away. "You know you're sexy when you're mad right." She joked, stroking my cheek. I smacked her hand away and laughed. "Don't be mad please." I attempted to keep my attitude but she smiled at me and Shawn's smile was one of the sweetest smile I'd ever seen.
"I can't do this on your terms. It has to be when I'm ready. Do you understand?"
"I understand J." She took my hand and kissed it letting her lips linger against my skin. I gently rubbed through her curls and then she looked up at me.
"Can we take that nap now?" Shawn asked. I laughed.
"Tired?" I asked.
"Exhausted." She held out her hand. "C'mon."
We laid close as she played in my hair there in the silence. I closed my eyes and just listened to the rhythm of her heart. Her hand rested near my hand and I took it into my own. Looking at her fingers, I pressed them to my lips and kissed them gently. I could hear her heart start to race.
"Do I make you nervous?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Why?" I traced my finger across her bare stomach. She felt so soft.
"I'm always nervous around you but especially when you're this close."
"We've slept in a bed together before." I raised my head to look her.
"You slept. My adrenaline was pumping way too hard to sleep." She laughed.
I yawned. "I never meant make this hard." I said sleepily.
"You didn't. It was already a weird situation."
Shawn held me tighter. God it felt so good to be wrapped in her arms. We both laid quiet for a moment and at some point drifted off to sleep but not for long. Shawn's FaceTime went off.
"Can you get that boo?" She asked. I rolled over and grabbed her phone and as I handed to her I could see that it was Amelia. She didn't answer it. "Sorry." I didn't want to make her feel bad but I was curious.
"Do you like her?"
"I don't know her."
"Do you like what you know so far?" I asked.
"Yeah She seems cool I guess." She said.
"Was she good in bed?" Shawn lifted her head and looked down at me.
"Wow you just get right to the point don't you?"
I shrugged. "We're both adults."
"Well I wouldn't know... we never made it to the bed." I smacked her stomach.
"Ow!" She laughed. "It was cool. It was just sex."
I hesitated before asking my next question. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.
"Will you see her again?" Shawn let her head fall back to the bed and focused on the ceiling. She let everything they had just talked about wash over and thought carefully before she answered. "I don't know... I guess it just depends."
"On what?" I asked.
"Us."
