Shawn

Chapter 48

SOTW
Rhythm Nation
Reunion

Janet

It's been nearly seventeen years since I watched her leave in that cab. It still replays in my mind just as fresh as it did that night. I've never stopped thinking about Shawn.

Months had passed and I figured time part apart would give a chance to get our thoughts together. When I got off the plane at LAX my first stop on the way home was to see her. I showed up at her door step and was greeted a by kid who had no clue who I was, luckily. Shawn had moved without saying a word to anyone.

It was like she just disappeared.

Months became years. I fought myself constantly over filing the paperwork with my lawyers for the advance she was given. If it had been anyone else... I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Then one day a letter with no return address showed up on my doorstep. Once inside I sat my things down and opened it. There was a check signed to me and a letter.

Janet,

You'll never understand just how hard it was to walk away from you. As much as I want to say, me leaving was about you, it wasn't J. It was about me. This should cover everything I owe. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it back to you. Thank you, for everything. I am forever grateful...  for you have changed my life in every way possible. l'll always love you.

Shawn

For weeks, I came home, are read that letter and cried alone in my room. I still have that letter to this day.

After sometime to myself I played with the idea of giving love a try again. Jermaine and I had become pretty serious. Although it was difficult to allow myself to let go, once I did fall for him, his insecurities got the best of him. I will never understand it. I wrote songs about him, wore his initials on my navel and proved my love and devotion time and time again. It was never enough. I got tired of trying to convince him that he was the only one I wanted and it eventually tore us apart.

A few mishaps in my career left me feeling exposed and targeted, and rightfully so. There was a lot to gain at my expense and it left me feeling wounded. No matter how much I tried to apologize and explain what happened, the damage was done.