I'm not sure of the exact moment that I had decided to leave, but I knew that I had made a mistake the second I watched Shawn walk out of that door. My heart sank into my the pit of my stomach and ran for the restroom feeing sick. I quietly packed my things and headed downstairs to the car. Preston looked at me with unsure eyes.
"Ms. Jackson have you thought this through? You don't have to go back there." He said.
I walked past him and opened the door myself and threw my bags into the car. "I made my choice Preston, now can we go please. I have to be there by 6." He nodded and didn't say another word the entire car ride until we'd arrived at our destination.
I glanced out the car window as we pulled up to the building. There he was, sitting alone on a bench just outside the door. I waited for Preston to open my door but when he didn't get out of the car, I glanced at him. He was already looking back at me.
"Janet please." He said. "I think this is a mistake."
"I will find another way home today Preston thank you." I said and got out of the car.
There was an unusual chill in the air. Nothing like the warm and breezy sunny day before. I shivered and pushed my hands into my pockets as I made my way across the parking lot towards him. He didn't noticed me right away, but once he didn't, he couldn't believe his eyes. I took a seat next to him.
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I could barely look at him. He looked so frail and fragile unlike the monster I had gotten use to. I didn't want to look at him because I didn't want to feel sorry for him. It was unfair for me to have to feel that way after everything he had done to me.
"Why did you come today?" He said and finally looked at me. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "I've done so many unforgivable things."
"Because I'm your wife." I said and looked him. "I want the man I fell in love with back."
"I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you , how will you forgive me?" He said.
"We will heal together." I took his hand into mine. "But you have to see this through. Rene this is our last chance at this baby. When I left it took for my sisters to convince me to come back to you. I have feelings for someone else and you drove me into her arms. So understand that I don't give a fuck about you feeling sorry for yourself. I don't give a fuck about your testosterone or jealousy issues because I still have to work with her through all of this. If you are going to get this right at any point and you want to stay in this marriage, now would be the time." I said, and we both turned our attention to the opening door.
An older woman walked out. She smiled at us both as we stood to our feet. After greeting us and introducing herself, she lead us inside where we toured the facilities. They had so many great programs to offer, and that included marriage counseling. It was all very promising and a lot to take in. After showing us we're he would be staying they gave us a moment alone in his room.
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"Wow so this is we're you're going to be staying? Are you sure this rehab?" I said. He looked at me and laughed. "Are you ready for this?"
He looked at me and nodded. "I am." He stood closer to me and took my hands. "I want things back the way they were before I lost sight of what was important."
"What is important?" I asked.
"This. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened. Everything. I don't know if this can be repaired but Janet I want to fight for us." He said.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. "I have to go, but I will see you in two weeks. The next few weeks are going to be very busy, as you know we are preparing for the tour but I won't miss any of our sessions or visits. You do your part and I promise to do mine."
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. "I don't know if I'd be able to do this without you. But with you by my side, I know that I'm going to be okay." He kissed my hand. I was glad for it because I definitely wasn't ready to kiss him again. I said goodbye and left him there.
Janet's House
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My anxiety was on a whole other level as I walked into my empty home. I hadn't been there since that night and I had no idea what to expect. I walked in and closed the door behind me and just stood the for a moment.
My heart started to beat fast as I looked around the room. The memories quickly overwhelmed me. I could hear my own screams and cries echoing in my ear. The sounds of grunts and broken glass sounded as fresh as they did that very night. I covered my ear and backed into the door. I backed into the door and sat down in front of it, pulling my knees into my chest, I sat there and sobbed.
My phone vibrated and scared me half to death. There was text messages from Shawn.
Shawn: After giving myself some time to think I have something that I need to say.
Shawn: My feelings have become so twisted and confused that it drives me insane.
Shawn: I have been living in this fantasy world Janet. I actually made myself believe that you were mine. I have overstepped boundaries. I've spent too much time wanting something that will never be what I want it to be.
Shawn: I don't want to feel this way anymore. So I'm getting out of your way. I wish you all the best with your husband and his recovery.
I read her message over and over, starting one unsent text after another to tell her that I don't want her to give up on me. How could I ask her to do that when I'd made the choice to work on my marriage.
