Critical (Jamilton)

3. Me? Traumatized? Never

Hamilton

The next morning, Alexander was actually surprised to wake up still in Thomas's arms. A part of him expected to be back in that stupid room that held him for the majority of the time he was gone. Really, he could have avoided that if he would have stopped mouthing off--

Alex cut the thoughts of the room off as soon as he felt his pulse start to quicken. It wasn't the time or place to panic and he knew it. He was with Thomas, and that wasn't just a figment of his imagination for the first time in years, he wanted to enjoy it without having anyone worrying about him. 

Despite pushing the thoughts away, the panic was still rising. Without thinking, Hamilton muttered instructions to breathe to himself as quietly as possible so he didn't wake up the sleeping man next to him. It didn't work. 

"You say somethin', darlin'?" Thomas asked opening one of his eyes. 

"Yeah, I said it's time to get up. Nobody else knows I'm alive yet." Alex sat up and stretched, leaving Thomas on the ground for a second. 

"Oh, yeah, we should probably tell them, right?" Thomas stood up and helped Hamilton off the floor. "Do you want me to just invite everyone or. . . ?"

"Why wouldn't I want you to invite everyone?" 

Thomas looked nervously at the ground. "Alex, you've been gone for a while. Too long for it to be like 'getting grounded'. I thought maybe you might want to just take it a little slow and--"

"Tom, listen. I appreciate you thinking about that, but slow really isn't my thing. Besides, I haven't really seen any of my friends in a while, so just invite everyone and let's get this whole thing over with." 

Alexander couldn't help but get slightly irritated as he finished and he didn't know exactly why. It's not like Thomas had been saying that nonstop, he'd only said it once. Maybe twice, but it irritated Hamilton like it was the millionth time he'd said it. True, he missed all of his friends, and he couldn't wait to see them, but if he was going to get over that shit he'd need to skip over "going slow". 

Thomas nodded slightly. 

Alex sighed. "Sorry, I just want to get back into the swing of things, alright? I never took it slow before, I don't want to start now. Please?"

"Fine. You go shower or something, I'll tell everyone to get over here." he grabbed his phone from the coffee table. "I'll bring you some fresh clothes, the bathroom is down the hall to the left." 

As soon as he was in the bathroom, Alex shut and locked the door. He closed his eyes and leaned against it, allowing himself to feel the emotions for a second before he turned on the shower and let the water warm up. He turned it all the way hot, letting it run over his hand until he physically couldn't stand it, then he turned the cold handle just enough to keep it that way.

He glanced in the mirror for a minute. He looked more or less the same as he did before everything in his own opinion. Maybe a little more exhausted but that was a given, especially after everything. 

But he couldn't act on the "after everything" without Thomas worrying about him more than necessary. That wasn't what Alex wanted. All of that was more or less over and he wanted to just move on from it without having anyone tell him to see someone and get medicated. If he could get through everything he'd gotten through up until that point, he could handle a little more.