Critical (Jamilton)

19. Pegleg's Great Advice

Hamilton

Alexander laid on the couch with his legs hanging over the arm. He was throwing a ball of rubber bands in the air and catching it while Peggy was in the kitchen making Kool-Aid.

"You gonna drink some, Lex?" she called into the main room.

"With as much sugar as you put in it? No, thanks," he laughed throwing the ball into the air again and catching it before it hit his face.

"Suit yourself." Peggy came back into the room carrying the entire pitcher and two cups anyway, obviously expecting Ham to change his mind.

"I said I didn't--"

Peggy put her hand out to silence him. Without saying a word, breaking eye contact, or smiling, she poured some of the unnaturally red liquid into the cup. It looked more syrupy than anything as it sloshed around, but when the Schuyler slid the cup toward him, the ominousness of the pouring made him want to take a drink. It tasted more syrupy than it looked yet he kept drinking it and that was the mystery of Kool-Aid.

"So, progress report. Hit me," Peggy said, pulling her legs up onto her chair.

Alex set the rubber band ball down and swung his legs over to the floor so he was sitting.

"I'd say I'm doing fine," he muttered. "considering one of them came back."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone. One of them? As in like. . . Them them?"

Ham nodded, taking another sip of the red syrup. He decided it wasn't worth it to keep drinking.

"Why didn't you call the police or something?! And why are you say easy going about talking about it?"

"He said he was just here for a fresh start, and he was the one the to bring me food and he sort of kept me alive I guess?"

"You guess?"

"He stopped coming after a while. He says he left completely. . ."

Peggy hummed and set down her glass. "Do you believe him?"

"I don't know," Alexander admitted. "I mean, me trying to leave is what got me. . . You know, there in the first place, but they were sloppy enough to give me enough time to get out, so maybe he just left."

"Well, what did he want from you?"

"Forgiveness or something? I don't know, I barely listened before Eliza threw him out."

"Okay, do you remember what all happened the day he came back?"

Alex nodded and explained the night he and Thomas babysat and when Andre came in. He wasn't going to, but he ended up telling her about how he was going to leave because they'd found him.

Peggy stared at him for a second and sighed. "I know I'm supposed to help and this probably won't, but what the hell made you think that leaving would be better for you?"

Thinking about it just then, Alex had no clue why he was going to leave. He knew it was because Andre had found him, but really John didn't do anything untrustworthy. Hamilton didn't have a plan or anywhere to go. . .

"I don't know," he said.

"Exactly. Now see, that isn't my definition of 'doing fine'. You can't just try to leave every time you have to face what happened. It happened, it was traumatizing, and it sucks that you have to deal with that, but running away from it isn't going to help anything. You need to move past it."

Ham stared at her for a second, speechless. Then he got his mind back in the right place and said, "How?"

She thought for a second. When she got an idea she jumped off her chair and grabbed her wallet from the desk across the room.