Critical (Jamilton)

17. Sometimes That's How It Be

Jefferson 

Thomas noticed almost immediately that Alexander was spiraling. It made sense but despite their agreement, Alex was barely letting Thomas go near him. After a certain point, Ham would scoot away or just get up and walk off. As much as he hated it, Thomas knew that once Hamilton was ready, he'd ask for the help. Or at least that's what he'd hoped would happen. 

According to Eliza, John Andre hadn't made much of an attempt to reach out to her or her sisters. A couple times, she thought she saw him walk by the shop window while she was working but he never came in or gave her a second glance. Thomas hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, which was pretty fortunate. 

Not for him, though, for Andre. Jefferson might actually kill him if he got the chance. It didn't matter if he was fully responsible or not, there was a part of the reason Alex was missing living in the same state and that was enough to want to fill Thomas with enough anger to power a generator for a week if it ran on nothing but rage.

What was lucky for Thomas was that he'd been getting off work early all week, which gave him more time at home to make sure Andre wasn't actually planning on doing anything stupid.

The day that Alex left wasn't any different. 

Thomas got off work early. The only thing he did differently was he dropped Lucy off at a friend's house. That basically meant that he and Alexander would have an hour to themselves at the house since the twins had an after-school band practice for an upcoming concert and his older sisters didn't get off any earlier than usual.

Jefferson got home and the first thing was that Alexander wasn't sitting in front of the TV with a notebook in front of him and Doctor Phil playing. He went up the stairs where most of the bedrooms were to see if Alex just decided to take a nap. He opened their bedroom door and found Hamilton throwing things into a bag.

"What are you doing?" Thomas asked cautiously. 

"Leaving," Ham said it like it was obvious, which it was, but that didn't there shouldn't be an explanation as to why.

"What do you mean leaving?" Jefferson shut the door and walked in front of Alex to try and block him from getting more clothes from the closet. "Why?"

"They found me, I can't-- King's just going to try to get me back there and I just-- I can't stay, okay?"

"Andre said he was just here for a fresh start!" Thomas tried. He didn't believe what the man said in the slightest but he was desperate for any reason to keep Alex from finishing the bag. 

"And you believe that?" Alexander spat. "I don't need to remind you that you weren't fucking there, do I?" 

"No, but--"

"So stop acting like you know these people. You don't. I do. They lie, okay? They lie and they torment and they don't give a shit what happens as long as they don't get caught." Alex zipped the bag, but he stood over it for a second like he considering unpacking. Thomas took that opportunity. 

"Hey, listen to me." he rushed to stand in front of Alex again. "I get that you're scared but you have people here that can protect you. You leave and you're leaving them behind and you don't have protection anywhere else." 

"I'll figure something out--"

"No. If you can't stay for the protection, think of how they're going to react! The kids love you, Laf and Herc are glad to have at least one friend back, and I don't need to lose you again." 

Thomas tried to look into Alexander's eyes but he was avoiding eye contact. 

Hamilton didn't say anything, he just shouldered the bag and headed for the door. Jefferson moved to stand in front of it. 

"Alex, please! I am trying to help you! I'm here for you, okay, I'm not going to let anything take you back there. I'm not goin' anywhere."

"Liar," he muttered. 

"What?"

"You! You're lying!" Alex screamed suddenly, dropping his bag to the floor. He picked up a pillow and hurled it at Thomas. "Stop! Lying!"

"I'm not!" Jefferson yelled back, ducking out of the way.

"Yes, you are!"

"What am I lying about!?"

"You're going to leave, just like everyone else! Just like Mom, and Peter, and John, and just like everyone!" He picked up another pillow and threw it. "Stop!"

"I'm not lying and I'm not going to leave you! I'm here to stay and you need to believe that!"

"No!"

Thomas caught everything that Alex threw and slowly moved in front of him. Jefferson grabbed Hamilton's arms to keep him from throwing anything else.

"I'm not lying to you," he said as calmly as he could manage.

"Yes, you are!" Alexander tried to wiggle his arms free. "You're just a lying bastard, let me go!"

"I'm not lying to you."

"Stop saying that!"

"Stop saying I'm lying." Thomas looked Hamilton in the eyes as clearly as he could. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm not lying to you. I won't let them take you back there, okay?"

"You're a lying sonofabitch!" He tried pulling away again. "Let me go!"

"If I let you go, are you going to sit down and calm down before you make that decision?"

It took a second, but Alex stopped trying to pull his arms away. Jefferson took that as Hamilton accepting that he probably wasn't getting out the door without Thomas following him.

"I'm not going to leave you, do you know why? Do you know why I'm not going to leave you, Alexander? It's because I love you. I love you and the last time I left you, I thought you were dead for six years."

Hamilton pushed himself to lean against the bedframe without saying a word. He picked up his bag and held it in his lap like he was starting to wonder what was even inside it. 

"I want to stay here," he muttered quietly after ages of silence. "I don't want to go back there."

"I know," Thomas replied softly. 

"I don't want Andre to be here." 

"I know." 

"I was going to take the letterman."

Thomas laughed for a second. "Yeah, I don't know why I expected anything else." He stood up and held out a hand for Alex. "Come on, let's go get you some tea or something to help." 

"Coffee's--"

"You aren't getting caffeine."