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Bathroom Breakdowns

"DUDE WHAT THE HELL" Alex comes storming into my room pulling me away from my makeup with Corinna on my bed. 

"David should i leave" she asks me but Alex answers first.

"yes Corinna you should leave, now. i have some business i need to discuss with this piece of shit right here, now if you don't mind please leave" she gives me a look to see if i was going to stick up for her and when she saw that i wasn't she rolled her eyes and stormed out of my room once again slamming my door. 

"what the hell was that about dude?" Alex approached me with fast and heavy strides, his arms crossed over his chest and a look of anger that i had never seen in his eyes before now evident. 

"Why didn't you stop her? you know that she was hoping you would show up and stop her but instead i had to witness her poor little heart break al over again when she realised that you weren't coming." 

"well as you could see i was a bit preoccupied" 

"no you were just being a coward and couldn't face the fact that she was actually leaving for good and that you would never be able to have her in your life again. you know i don't get it David" 

"what is it that you don't get Alex" i ask him our voices both raised at one another. 

"i dont get how someone could fall so easily out of love with the girl of his dreams whom he would ever shut up about and become so cold hearted and ignorant. what happened to you Dave? i mean you are not the same guy i met a year ago." 

"well i guess this is just the new me now Alex and if you don't like it then you can leave, just like Liza did. And its a lot easier falling out of love with someone than you think" 

"if this is the new 'David Dobrik' then i don't want anything to do with you. get your act together man cause soon it won't just be Liza moving on with her life and leaving you behind. it will be everyone that you stopped caring for. take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror Dave and keep telling yourself that you don't still love her but im not stupid. i can see the way you blink back tears every time i mention her name.  just grow up David" 

and with that he left. i don't know where he went but all i know is that he walked out from the apartment and didn't return for a good hour and a half. i tried not to admit it to myself but i was still in love with Liza and overtime i heard Alex say her name my heart broke even more. if only everyone understood why i did what i did, why i made myself stop loving her, why i fill that void in my life with Corinna to try and get my mind off it and why every time Corinna and i kiss i imagine that its still Liza. 

i did what Alex said and i stood infant of my bathroom for a good half an hour and barely even recognised the empty shell staring back. finally something inside me clicked and the tears that had been harbouring behind my eyes since the day i ruined my relationship were released. i just stood there and cried. most of the time i couldn't understand why i was crying but for the most part i was reliving every horrible event that i had caused. 

"you miss her huh?" a voice said from the doorway. i jerked my head to see Alex leaning against the door frame, a softer look upon his face this time and his was calming and sympathetic. i would never usually let myself cry infant of him but this time crying was the only way of getting all of my pain, hurt and guilt out. i count even speak i was so upset so instead i just nodded and fell to the cold tiled floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. Alex came and sat down beside me and just sat with me for a while letting me cry all the tears i could manage. 

"David, you have two choices here. option one is go to her and make her realise that you are still that same guy she fell in love with, or..." he paused for a second as if he was scared to say the next words. 

"or?" i said through my ongoing sobbing.

"or you never contact her again and let her live her life while you move on as well and live your's. the choice is your's dude." i look at him in the eyes, my tears slowly running out. 

"i can't go back to her Al" he showed a disappointed look and shook his head and looked down at his feet. 

"David i still don't understand. i don't understand why you did what you did, i don't understand why you walked away, why you didn't fight for her and why you convinced yourself that you no longer needed her now wanted her." 

"IT'S BECAUSE IM SCARED IM GOING TO HURT HER AGAIN OK? THERE ARE YOU HAPPY. YOU GOT THE TRUTH. the truth is that im scared. im scared of hurting her again and im scared of myself. i became this monster when things wouldn't go my way and i lost my temper with her. i'm scared that it will happen again and again and again. i can't bare to see the face that she showed when i lost it at her. Alex i don't want to her again." my tears had returned and to my surprise Alex dragged me up from the floor and hugged me. he kept hugging me until my crying had stopped as well. 

"why didn't you just confided in me earlier dude instead of turning into this stuck up ignorant guy who fucks the first girl he thinks of. David Liza would have forgiven you if you had  just talked to her or apologised to her but instead you shut yourself off straight away. David the point is that  you still love her and that love is more powerful than anything in this world. your love for her is what girls read about in fairy tails. man you need to get over your fear of hurting her again and get your girl back, before it's to late." 

"Alex it already is to late. i lost her, she left and she is never coming back. and i have to leave with that for the rest of my life. dude i just want her to be happy and if that means living in another state or with another man then i will just have to accept that."

he pats me on the back and goes to walk out of my room to his before turning around one last time. 

"David if you love something set it free, if it comes back its your's and if it doesn't then it was never meant to be. im here for you mate, just remember that." the saying that Alex had just said to me repeated in my mind over and over again that night. i couldn't sleep as i just laid down in my bed thinking about those words. maybe she will come back, or maybe just like Alex had said, it just wasn't meant to be.