Off Camera

The First Heartbeat without You

"sweetie can i talk to you for a second?" my mother asks as she knocks on my bedroom door. 

"yeah sure, whats up? nothings wrong is it?" she honestly looked concerned but shook her head.

"no, no nothings wrong. Liza i just wanted to have a chat with you about why your really back home, here. i mean you haven't really given your father or i much information nor have you even spoken a word about David. something just doesn't add up. im worried about you. you seem different." i had been in Houston now for only three days and i couldn't bring myself to tell me parents the truth, so i lied and said that it was just due to the dancing opportunity. i couldn't totally understand why i couldn't tell them the truth about David because trust me, covering for him was the last thing on my mind but yet i still did. 

"mum everything fine, like i said i came here for the dancing job." she was not buying it. i don't think i will ever understand how mothers can somehow always tell when their children are lying but it gets really annoying. 

"Liza, im your mother, you can tell me anything. i won't tell your father if you don't want me to either. i know your lying to me i just don't know why." i couldn't keep the truth from her anymore. not because i couldn't but because i didn't want to. she was right. she's my mother and right now  i honestly just needed my mum. 

"David and i broke up. Mum i really thought he loved me" i started to break down as i said the last few words. getting over David was becoming harder than i thought. she encased me into a hug and held me tight. 

"what happened honey. i thought you guys we're happy. i mean he seemed like a lovely boy when your father and i met him." 

"he was nice, but one morning he changed and became angry with me and mean and then i gave him all his stuff back. he didn't even call or text me so i was convinced that we were officially over so when i went over to his apartment to get a charger back i found him in bed with someone who was supposed to be our friend, Corinna. Mum he clearly never cared about me and just lied the whole relationship." i just continued crying into my mums arms with her trying to comfort me and calm me down. i also made her promise to not tell my dad because he would want to go up to LA and murder him!

*later on that afternoon*

i had dress rehearsals this afternoon for dancing but since our studio was being renovated we had to practice at the basketball courts at my old high school. i was so not looking forward to this. 

when i got there my best friend Jordan pulled me into a a long awaited hug seeing as i hadn't seen her for so long. we ran off to the girls bathrooms and got changed into our purple costumes and ran out to see the other girls and catch up like old times. much to my surprise, Sam was playing basketball on the opposite court with a group of guys. we both looked over at each other  at the same time and felt our eyes connect. miss Abby's voice broke our connection. 

"alright girls into positions. our first competitions is coming up this Saturday and we are travelling all the way to LA. Liza you should feel right at home over there. so since we only have two days to competitions we have to clean this dance and make it look perfect, so girls into positions and lets go." 

as much as i loved dancing, the song and the location for the competitions could not have been any worse. our solo song was say something which was one of the many songs i had been listening to on repeat for the past weeks. onto of all that, i couldn't get Sam out of my head. why was i letting myself fall into the trap all over again. i mean you would think i would have learnt my lesson by now but nope, this little brown girl has caught the love bug. 

what am i saying, i mean i am not going to let myself get used and hurt all over again, just like Reagan, and just like David. but i mean he could be different right? stop, i couldn't concentrate over this anymore. i don't want to be like David and jump straight back into another relationship. if this is going to go anywhere with Sam, he has to earn my trust and establish  friendship first, then ill consider a relationship, but until then, we have a long road ahead of us. 

*after rehearsals* 

as i was packing up my bag and about to leave the basket ball courts Sam ran up to me. 

"hey Liza, do you maybe wanna get so frozen yogurt with me?" i looked at him unsure as of what to do. do i go with him or do i distance myself? what the hell? surely frozen yogurt wouldn't hurt right? well apart from the fact that im lactose intolerant but that hasn't stopped me before!

"yeah sure ill love to, just let me go and put my bags in the car. "we walked out to our cars and i followed his on the way to the frozen yogurt place.

we grabbed our yogurt and decided to walk to the park to eat it. it was now night time and the park was all lit up and took me back to new York at vidicon with David when we kissed in the park. i can't be thinking bad to those moments, i have to move on, just like he did.

we sat down on a park bench and ate our yogurt in silence. finally he broke the silence. 

"you looked beautiful dancing today, i really enjoyed watching you." i blushed and smiled at him. 

"i didn't realise you were watching me?" i questioned him with shyness

"i snuck a few glances here and there, haha, so are you enjoying being home again? its probably a lot more quite and slower than LA, right?" i nodded and continued to finish my yogurt. we continued talking about our interests and our life stories for a while until we finally thought it a good time to drive back to our homes. we hugged goodnight and drove off in seperate directions.

it felt good to feel wanted again, and not feel alone, but why does it still feel like its with the wrong person? maybe this is my first heartbeat without David, and i just have to get used to it.