Darkness Rises & Light To Meet It

Loss

Weeks of planning and searching had brought them to this moment. Quillon and the Knights of Ren had found the rebels on Yavin 4 in an abandoned rebel base. It dated back to the age of the Empire. The base had not been used since the destruction of the Death Star and was practically in ruins.

Kylo Ren exited the command shuttle. The planet consisted of thick vegetation and forests. Sounds of blaster fire filled the air and he sensed both his mother and Rey. Striding past the storm troopers he reached out and searched for Rey.

There.

He moved deeper into the forest the sound of blaster fire echoing around him. Tie Fighters and rebel light craft engaged in aerial combat. The Knights of Ren were already on the ground fighting the rebels and had already eliminated some of the Rebellion leaders.

Rey was the Supreme Leader's only concern. She was valuable to him alive. She had information that was crucial to wiping out the Rebellion once and for all. Extinguishing all remaining hope throughout the galaxy.

Ren stopped abruptly.

Rey looked back at him, her new blue lightsaber ignited, but she did not advance. "Ben." She spoke under her breath not for him to hear.

"No." Kylo Ren walked toward her, his light saber clicking with anticipation. Calling to memory their last physical encounter he urged the anger to rise within him.

He had trusted her. Opened up to her. Had been more vulnerable with her than anyone else. Then she left. Left him alone. But for all that, he did not want to fight her. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"What?" She was visibly shocked by his question.

"You woke up before me. On the ship. You could have killed me but you didn't. Why?!"

Rey was having trouble finding the words to answer him. She started to speak and then stopped multiple times before she finally spoke aloud. "Because I didn't want to!" She yelled at him tears in her eyes. "I don't want to kill you Ben. I don't want to fight you."

His name and her words were like daggers.

"Go."

"No come with me, Ben. Please come with me." There was that desperate look in her eyes again. The same one from the throne room.

"I said go!" He screamed. Anger, hurt, and pain flooding through his body. "Now!"

Rey thought of staying but knew not to push him. It would not help pull him to the light. Deactivating her saber she turned and ran off to the rebel base to help the remaining rebels escape.

Kylo Ren stood there. Saber at his side.

Suddenly, he lashed out. Cutting, slashing, destroying everything in sight. Trees fell to ground around him. He had given into weakness. Rey. Compassion. Weakness. Worthless. Useless. He could have taken her. Killed her. The rebels would have been all but extinct after that.

And he did nothing.

Damn her.

Looking up he saw the rebel transports shoot yo into the sky. Few of their small order would be left on the ground.  He moved quickly back to the command shuttle.

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In the star destroyer Kylo Ren made his way through the long halls. General Hux was in the bridge commanding the fighters that had been sent out to take care of the rebel ships. He could still feel them. Rey and Leia. Something knotted itself in his stomach a feeling he was unaccustomed to.

Finally, he entered his private chambers. He needed to collect his thoughts before joining the others on the bridge. He felt a pull.

No. Not now.

Another pull.

Worry suddenly washed over him. He felt it. Rey's anxiety grew engulfing him. Ren looked around for her but did not see her, only sensed and felt her emotion.

Suddenly the air was taken from his lungs like he had been shot. The force erupted into an earth shattering tremble nearly knocking him to his knees. Using the wall for support Ren tried to steady himself and failed.

On his knees he gasped for breath. Panic setting in. He reached out with his feelings. Searching desperately for his mother. Nothing.

No, no, no!

He could not see for the tears that filled his eyes blinded him. She was gone. They were all gone now. His family.

His breathing quickened. Finally able to stand he took his lightsaber and took his pain out on everything in sight. Screams of obscenities and rage filled outcries filled the chamber along with the screeching sound of lightsaber blade against metal walls. Finally, rage subsiding, he stood quietly wiping the wetness from his face.

This should have been a victory, he should feel strengthened not beaten down and ever more vulnerable. More alone than ever. Ben Solo was alone. Rey was alone.

Amongst his outcries Ben had failed to notice the appearance of Rey behind him.

Rey had watched his outburst silently as she too grieved Leia, her mentor. Rising slowly from her seat on the Falcon, she took a step towards him. She sensed it. His turmoil. He felt lost and alone.

Hearing her move, he turned sharply and met her eyes. They were swollen from grief and a tear still lingered on her cheek. He could not speak. He did not have the words.

"She lov-" Rey began but was swiftly cut off.

"I know." It was all he could say anymore and he would lose it again.