Darkness Rises & Light To Meet It

Exposed

Folding the padding and setting aside on the bunk. Kylo untucked then slowly removed his under shirt leaving him exposed to Rey who stared at him wide eyed. Upon their forced landing on Tatooine they had planned to gather supplies and refuel the falcon before setting off to find their- well the Resistance's, remaining allies.

If there are any left that are brave enough to help them.

Placing the shirt neatly with his other garments on the bunk Ren grabbed the shirt that Rey was holding, a very slight grin grew in the corners of his lips. The last time the young scavenger had seen him topless was during a force connection on Ach-To she had been flustered then and was equally as flustered now. This amused him greatly. Her cheeks were noticeably flushed and she had not been able to say anything when he had begun to undress himself. Rey had not expected him to instantly begin changing in front of her. Slowly, he inched his arms into the sleeves of the shirt waiting to pull it over his head. As a boy he had preferred to be alone when in groups but he was nowhere near as sheltered or socially awkward as the young scavenger. He had at least been exposed to other humans and knew from teachings about all of their anatomy. 

"W-would you just hurry up and put-"

"Yes." He smirked as he swiftly pulled the grey shirt over his head. Letting the fitted cloth form to his sides before taking the black jacket from her. Han Solo's jacket. Ren recognized it immediately and hesitated a moment before putting it on as well. 

The weight that had been momentarily lifted off his shoulders by the distractions of battle, pursuit, escape, and the amusement of Rey's easily flustered constitution came crashing down on him the second his fathers jacket wrapped itself around his shoulders.

Damn. It still smells like him.

Memories of Han and himself as a child came rushing forward to the front of his mind mixing with the memory of his death. His murder that his son had committed. It had split his soul in half, ripping him apart more and more each day. Turning around so that his back was to Rey he swallowed hard attempting to push his feelings away from the surface. 

A quiet voice broke the silence and he felt a rush of heat on his shoulder from her hand. "Ben?"

A part of him wanted to lash out while another wanted to give into the comfort her touch was inviting. The peace her presence offered his inner turmoil was so tempting. "Yes?" He let his voice break as he spoke, choosing not to shield himself with anger. 

Her hand tightened as it squeezed his shoulder softly, "You're not alone."

Ren looked over his shoulder at her, what was he doing here? With her? He certainly did not deserve her care or her trust. He only deserved the worst not this reassurance and desperate attempt to help him overcome his demons. 

"I don't deserve your help Rey. It's too late."

You're all better off without me. 

"You said you knew what you had to do earlier." Rey kept her hand in place on his shoulder.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Rey..." Ben's voice cracked emotion swelling to its tipping point.

"Why not?" This time she squeezed his shoulder more firmly and her tone was that of determination.

Unable to hold himself back Ben turned lifting a hand and pointing at an invisible object furiously. "Because I can't let go! I can't." He clenched his fists at his side looking down at her. "I am a monster and I will never be able to let go of all of the evil I have caused."

"Ben..."

"Stop! I don't deserve that name. I don't deserve your help or your forgiveness." 

Rey, unable to talk over him, grabbed his hand and took a step closer. The sudden movement stopped his ranting long enough for her to get a few words in. "You're right." She looked up at him, eyes soft and wide. "You don't deserve it. But it's not about whether or not you deserve my help or anyone's forgiveness."

His breathing began to slow and he looked away from her unable to look her in the eye. "I am falling apart." The words he spoke were quiet and broken as the soul that spoke. 

Taking her free hand Rey hesitantly turned his head so she could look at him. "I know." Her touch sent a warm wave of peace through him settling his heart. "But you're not alone and I am here to help pick up the pieces."

Why is she like this?

Taking a deep breath Ben looked deep into her eyes searching them. Perhaps with her help and the peace she gave him he might be able to repair the tattered threads of his spirit.