Darkness Rises & Light To Meet It

Forgiveness?

She just stared at him. Saying nothing. Doing nothing but staring up at him. Ben Solo was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. His father was gone, by his own doing, and now his mother was dead. The weight of their loss was heavy on his shoulders, because of his actions he had no family.

And for what? What did he gain from their deaths? Nothing but loneliness. An emptiness that overwhelmed him.

Everyone that had ever claimed to love him or care about him had betrayed him and then died by him. Han Solo by his own saber. Luke Skywalker had projected himself across lightyears of space to face him only to die by the energy it took. Leia, his mother, had foolishly still loved her son despite his actions and she died fleeing his army!

If everyone would just stop. Let him burn. Let him go. The pain would cease and he would finally be free. Something within him, a small voice, corrected this thought.

I will never be free from this pain.

His actions, his choices would haunt him for as long as he lived.

"Ben?" A soft voice spoke.

Looking to his left he looked her up and down taking her all in. He did not want to answer her. To the name he did not deserve, but he could not stop himself. "What do you want?" It was harsher than he intended but his eyes remained soft. That he could not help. The tears he had shed prevented anything else.

Rey remained calm. He could tell that she too had been grieving. The thought occurred to him that she may have seen Leia as a mother she never had. One that did not see her as tradable goods.

"Leia," She started, voice soft and smooth. "She wanted-"

His mothers name was like a blaster being fired into his chest, the pain and guilt unbearable. "She what? She believed that her son was savable? Worth redemption and forgiveness?" He stood pacing furiously. "I am not worth saving. I am not worth all of this." He waves a hand at her.

"All of what?" Rey raised her voice slightly, agitated.

"This belief that she had. That you have." He stopped and looked into her eyes, his flashing. "This good that you see, is not there!"

"It's not?" She took a step toward him. "When we touched I saw it. It's there if you'd only accept it."

"What is there to accept, Rey?"

"The forgiveness you've been offered. By your father. By me."

Daggers twisted in his chest. How could he begin to even accept forgiveness? Even if he did what would he do? Leave and go to the rebels? Rey may be willing to accept him but he doubted anyone else shared her sentiments.

"I can't." The words were stuck in his throat as he forced them out. "I can't just leave."

Rey closed the gap between them and looked straight up at him. He looked down at her but did not move away. She sensed the turmoil within him. So much pain and sorrow. She wanted to touch his face and comfort him but she knew she couldn't. Not yet at least.

"Surely The Supreme Leader could go wherever he chooses?" That comment got her a strange look. One she had not seen cross his face before was it amusement? Frustration?

"Even if I wanted to leave it's not that simple." He paused,  "It would not end with that. They would come after me. Destroy everything."

"They are already destroying it all." Rey argued. "Maybe we would have a better chance of stopping them together?"

Damn her and her sentiment.

Rey annoyed him more than General Hux on a bad day. With her caring nature, stubbornness, and insistence on forgiveness. If he accepted her forgiveness he could never forgive himself. Before he could say anything the chamber door opened abruptly revealing General Hux backed by the Knights of Ren and several elite Stormtroopers.