ɖɛċɛɨʋɛɖ

fourteen

I lay in my little nest of a bed as I watch the stars shine against the dark sky. For the life of me I can't sleep, I can feel the darkness just lurking inside of me but it only teases me, just like how my pain as it terrorizes me. I had accepted Saxons requests, he hasn't marked me yet but I know that it'll happen soon enough, and although I had accepted his request, and let him hold me in the truck, I haven't forgiven him for being near that slut, not completely. There's just something in me that screams in rage at the fact that he knew that we are mates yet he still kissed that girl and did all of those other things right in front of me. It hurts, like he had betrayed me and stuck my own dagger right into my heart and I know he feels it, not only because I let it wash through the mate bond, but also because he has been watching me for the past four hours not able to sleep either.

Neither one of us says anything, his eyes stay on me and mine stay on the stars that shine brightly in the sky.

They make me miss Ryo even more, I need him now more than I ever had in my life, and I know that when I get him back I'm never leaving him again, I can't let him go again. I feel as if I am dying, being so close to him but unable to find him no matter what I do or how hard I try, I can never seem to get close enough to him to find him. I let out a shuttered breath and slowly push myself up. For a few minutes I stay with my back hunched forward and my face in my hands as I try to push away the thoughts of Ryo.

I would rather think of how Saxon betrayed me, thinking of Ryo just peels off every layer of skin around my heart slowly, painfully and he doesn't even know it, because not only do I refuse to let him feel my pain and add it on top of his own, but my Angel refuses to let him go through it too. I sigh and run my hands over my face, then I force myself up and walk across the room to his bed. He watches me, never taking his eyes off of me, not even when I step up next to the bed, he moves to give me room, then lifts the blankets to let me in. I slowly lay on the bed and curl into as small of a ball as I can while Saxon pulls the blankets around me then lays beside me and silently watches me.

"I am sorry Shade." His beautiful deep voice is a soft whisper, just barely there but I can hear it and I flinch when his hand brushes my hair from my cheek leaving a trail of tingles where his finger had just brushed against my skin. "I did not kiss her, I let her kiss me, but I did not kiss her back. The whole time I was with her I was comparing her to you. I was laughing at all of the flaws she has when you do not have any at all, well maybe the showering with other men and riding on their backs. But even when you are in pain you seem so graceful and stronger than you should be." He cups my cheek slowly as if afraid of scaring me off and he tilts my head back until my eyes meet his beautiful glowing gray and mossy green ones. "I have not been able to see any other girls but you, and when I do, none of them can compare. I have always thought that I would not have a mate, that she had died or that I was never made to have one, but now that I know I was wrong, now that you are here I swear to you Shade, you will be my first and last for everything, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, and I will do everything I can to save your brother, his mate, and his team." He stares into my eyes, so much truth and promise rest in those beautiful orbs that my heart starts to hurt from the harsh thumping it gives. I do not say anything as I look away from him, for a few seconds he just stares at me in pain, but when my hands flash to his face his body freezes.

Weak and broken or not, he was right about me being stronger than I should be. I pull his face to mine and breathe him in before I put my lips against his making the tingles shift to shocks of fireworks. His lips are even softer than they look, they fit against mine perfectly, cupping my lips with his warmth, and as I part my lips to pull his bottom one into my mouth he lets out a low growl and wraps his large strong hands around the sides of my waist and pulls me against him, and when he moves his lips in sync with mine, I know I have never felt something so good, something so addicting, and perfect.