ɖɛċɛɨʋɛɖ

twenty three

I stand in my new room as I pull on my gear, the leather clothes slide right into place as they always do, only now they hang a little loose than they had just a couple of weeks ago, my weapons follow suit going into their rightful places all over my clothes, along my forearms, even a few in my bra, inside my boots, and two hidden daggers on the inside of my corset top, and behind me my cloak flows to the floor all around me hiding most of what I had just put on. My scars show just as much as the new injuries do but I don't even feel the pain, I only feel this emptiness that has found its way into my body.

When I was finally able to get up I told everyone that we're starting phase two tonight. Nobody seemed to like the idea but they didn't fight with me either, and when I pulled my wings in I had been stopped and begged to do it again just so Raven could watch them. I swear she is over four hundred years old yet she still acts like a five year old, then again I suppose we all do. "Shade?" Dakos deep but soft voice cuts through my thoughts and I turn my now dimly glowing blue eyes on him. "Are you sure you want to do this tonight?"

"Yes." My voice is so deep that it sounds like a growl but he nods anyway. "You did not fail me Dako, if anything you had made me stronger." I slide my dagger into its rightful spot on my hip and pull my Katanga's up to put them on my back were they belong. "I grew up wanting two things, Ryo by my side, and my fathers love. One of those things were stripped away from me and one was never there, until you came into the picture. I used to fight, I would train so hard everyday, and I would kill, teaching each of my abilities how to be stronger, how to be the strongest and I did it to make Cerim happy. I wanted him to be proud of me, to love me, and if not love me then to at least give me a smile that didn't hold all of the hate that he has always held for me. I didn't realize until it was to late that you became my father, I knew you had grown attached to me, that you saw me as your own child, but I didn't know until later that you had became my father. The day that I threw myself in front of you when those rogues attacked, the wolf and the vampire were going to pounce on you and I felt my heart stop. The thought of losing you made me want to kill everything, it hurt me, and that scared me because I had only ever felt like that for Ryo and the twins. It wasn't until you were running with my bleeding body in your arms that I had realized that the gods may have taken one father from me but I had gotten an even better one." I slide my quiver over my shoulder so it rests across my back with the strap across my chest, I can feel how the others stay silent to listen to what I am saying, but I ignore all it and I move to him finally looking at him in his brightly glowing blue eyes. "Blood or not you're my father and always have been. The group makes me feel like a baby sister, like a good leader, or even like a proud Alpha, they make me feel loved in a way Ryo and the others have always made me feel, but even though they're there, even though they make me feel all of those things you're the only one that makes me feel like I'm not truly alone all the time. They keep me happy and proud, they make me feel as if I have a reason to live, but you make me feel as if I had never done any wrong in the world, you make me feel safe just as they do, but you have this way to just make me feel as if I had never killed her. It took me a while but I realized that it was all you, you were always the one I had wished to make happy, I wanted you to be proud of me for everything I had done, and to love me for me just as you had felt in the very beginning, to show me those smiles of happiness and pride that you have always shown me when I did something good, the same smiles you show me now whenever I finish a mission or even save someone that I don't even have to save. I always thought that it had been Cerim I was trying to make happy, for the longest time, but it's always been you." I give him a smile, it's forced, but if I wasn't currently broken, then I would have given him a true smile and by the way his eyes shine he knows this.

"I love you so much Shade." He pulls me into a hug and breathes me in as deeply as he can while he hugs me to him, and I do the same to him.

"I love you too father." He chuckles against my neck and shakes his head. I look at Reed when I pull away from Dako and he nods, he's in his gear just as I am, the same thing that Ashe wears on missions long sleeved leather shirt, leather pants and a cloak, his body full of weapons, and a belt of grenades that hangs low around his waist.