I ran as fast as I could, tears streaming down my cheeks. the event replayed in my head over and over again. I let out a sob and I struggled with my school bag. The rain poured down as I stumbled in the dark, scared and traumatised.
I opened the doo...
i was in agony and grief. i'd missed school and relapsed. it was constantly on my mind that she was dead because of me. brendon and sarah hadn't seen my scars luckily but i feared they would. jade had made new friends and completely forgotten about tammy. i let her be. i wasn't forgetting.
i was sat in my room and crying. as usual. brendon came in and put his arm round me. "let's do something. me and you. we can go for a walk, get some food, make something" he offered. "i'm okay" i insisted. "lana come on. you can't sit inside all day" he encouraged me. "pass" i said simply. "you love Pan 'N' Ice! let's get some!" he helped me up and pulled me to the bathroom. i hissed in pain. he stopped short.
"are you okay?" he asks. "never better" i lied. "lana....what are these?" he gently pulled my sleeve up. "nothing!" i pulled away. "lana you could have talked to me" he said sadly. "i-it's not a big deal!" i walked away. "lana it is! you could have died! i would have lost you!" he exclaimed. "i'm fine! and even if you did lose me, what's wrong with that!?" i slammed the bathroom door shut and slid down it, quietly crying.
"please come out. i didn't mean to yell. i'm sorry" he said softly. i opened the door and he held me close as i sobbed. "come on. let's get you something to eat and we'll do something" he said. he didn't make me walk. he fucking carried me.
i didn't want to eat. i sat there, head down on the table. "how is she?" sarah came in and put a hand on my shoulder. brendon whispered something to her and she sighed. "you'll be okay" i put my head up as she said and wiped my eyes. "i'm gonna go get ready" i mumbled, leaving the room. "hey you haven't eaten" sarah called me. "oh well"
i went to my room and got ready into this:
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i got pissed and took my hair out.
i'm about to scream don't be scared i texted my parents. then i let out a frustrating scream. then i brushed my hair and let it loose. i looked in the mirror.
how can someone be so ugly?
i wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. i went back downstairs and saw brendon in the living room with sarah. sarah was on the couch with the dogs while brendon was sitting on the floor with a gift bag. there was a scrapbook, sharpies and a cable on the floor.
oh shit.
"hey cutie! i got you something as we're going to do something" he said as i sat next to him. "you don't have to buy me gifts just because your mourning" i said. "it's to use all the time" he said, handing me it.
i opened the bag to reveal a hp sprocket! i'd always wanted one so i was super happy. "give me your phone" he said. i handed him t and he connected it with the sprocket with the iphone lightening cable. "we're making a memory book" he said.
he helped me print out a bunch of photos of tammy, tammy and me and some cute pics of tammy with her siblings and stick them inside the book. we wrote inside it to. cute quotes, funny things she had said, dates and more.
after we finished i loved it. "thanks so much. i love you" i mumbled to brendon, hugging him. "i love you to" he hugged me back, his voice cracking. this was shocking, coming from me. "awww!" sarah cooed. "come here babe" brendon chuckled. we all had a ground hug.
