Wicked games h.s.

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

''He said he was scared of commitment, but he had tattoos all over his skin, I guess he didn't see me as a work of art or maybe he didn't think the pain was worth it''

Arabella's POV:

I open my eyes the next morning feeling fresh and very positive, I haven't felt this optimistic in a very long time and it's very surprising, this place just keeps surprising me. I look next to me and see that Harry isn't here and I frown, I thought he stayed. I get off of bed and take a shower, wash my face and teeth before dressing up. I see that my breakfast is on the table on the balcony and I wonder why, it feels like it's my first day here all over again. After I got closer to Harry, I have been eating downstairs every morning, I feel like an outsider here. I sigh and sit on one of the chairs as I start eating my breakfast slowly, honestly I don't have much of an appetite right now. I leave the half empty plate with food and when I get back inside, I see the maid that I met when I first got here, that time seems to me like it has been so much time ago, but it has only been two months. She gives me a warm smile when she sees me and walks out on the balcony to take the tray, I don't think she ever told me what her name is.

''Why haven't you eaten young lady? And I know the food is delicious, Mr. Styles has the best cook'' she says to me when she takes the tray. ''I wasn't very hungry'' I say and smile at her politely. ''Well, you should eat more, you are very skinny'' she says again as she comes back inside, I put a strand of hair behind my ear. ''Where is Harry?'' I ask her. ''He told me that he's taking a private day, he is in his room but he doesn't want to be disturbed'' she says and I nod. Private day, what is this? ''Is he even going to work today?'' I ask her. ''I don't think so, when something bad happens to Mr. Styles, or he doesn't feel emotionally alright, he takes this private days and just sits in his room all day, he doesn't come out'' she says to me and walks to the door, there is another thing for me to know about Harry. ''Please don't go darling, I have to warn you, he might hurt you. Mr. Styles is a very dangerous man when he is in this mood'' she says to me and opens the door as she leaves me confused.

Three hours have passed, three hours I have been sitting here on this bed and watching TV, I haven't even been paying attention to the TV, I was mostly just thinking and wandering. And I have never been so bored in my entire life, there is nothing to do here for me, when I'm with Harry or someone else at least I can talk to someone or be around people and not be so bored. I groan as I get up from the bed and put on a pair of black yoga pants and a simple shirt, I slip uggs on my feet, they're the most comfortable shoes I have ever had. I get out of my room and continue to walk down the hall until I reach the stairs, as I go down I see that there isn't anyone here, usually there are the maids, the cook is in the kitchen, gardeners, body guards, there are almost always people from the Harry's gang coming in the house to work with Harry from here, there are people all around running through the house and doing their jobs, but now there is no one here, it is so quiet and this house seems empty and honestly kind of scary.

I walk up stairs to the third floor and realize that I have never been to this floor of the house, I haven't been in Harry's room either. I knock on the door lightly and expect his voice but all I get is silence. I frown and push the door open quietly and slowly, at first I gasp when I see his room. His room is huge, everything is black and white, there is a huge chandelier on the ceiling, expensive decorations everywhere, he has his own living room, two TVs, one where his living room is and one in front of his huge king sized bed, next to the living room he has a small kitchen and there are two other doors that I'm guessing are his bathroom and his walk in closet. I see the balcony door opened and I walk towards it and look around the balcony, it is huge and he has his own pool here and a table with a few chairs, there is an ashtray on the table and it is filled with cigarette butts.

I see him standing with his back turned to me, he is smoking a cigarette and has a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hands. ''Why are you standing there?'' I hear his raspy voice and I almost jump, I wasn't expecting him to know I'm here, I was so quiet. ''I- sorry, I was looking for you'' I say and walk outside as I approach him. ''You shouldn't have come here'' he sounds like he is warning me, which makes me a bit scared. ''What's wrong Harry?'' I ask him and stand next to him as I look at his beautiful face, but he doesn't turn around to look at me. ''I don't want this'' he says and takes a sip of the bottle. ''What?'' I ask him. ''You and me and what we're starting to have, I don't want it'' he says angrily and I feel my heart dropping literally as I look at him in disbelief.

''What do you mean? You can't do this'' I say to him, gently. ''I decide what I can and can not do! I know how this will end and you don't belong in my world!'' he yells at me and finally turns towards me, I take a step back away from him, he has never yelled at me like this, he makes me feel like I did something wrong. His eyes are bloodshot and the color of his eyes is a dark shade of green, which makes me scared. ''But I don't understand'' I say to him confused. ''What happened? I didn't do anything wrong'' I say to him, my voice calm despite his angered one.

''Go to your room'' he says and I cross my hands in front of my chest. ''No'' I say stubbornly. ''Go to your fucking room or I'll make you'' he says threateningly. ''I am not going until you tell me why you're doing this'' I say to him. ''I don't want you! I don't want to get close to you! And I sure as hell don't want to open up to you!'' he yells at me and finishes the cigarette as he throws it out of the balcony.

''Harry you are the one who kissed me, you initiated this between us'' I say to him. ''I don't fucking care! I realized I don't need this! I don't need a person to care for! I don't need a weakness who can be used against me!'' he yells at me. ''Should I feel used now? Not just physically as I have never done that with another man, no one has ever seen me naked, but I opened up to you emotionally as well'' I say to him. ''You shouldn't have, Arabella'' is all he says, making my heart break even more, this makes me so angry, I want to scream as loud as I can.

''You promised me!'' I yell at him. ''And I trusted you with everything!'' I continue, his hand goes behind him and he takes out a gun as he aims it towards me and my eyes widen. ''If I do this, it will be easier for the both of us'' he says calmly and I just look at him. ''Stop seeing the good in people and stop being so naïve!'' he yells louder than me. ''Go ahead, rip my heart out, show me what love is all about'' I say to him and his eyes soften but he doesn't lower his hand, the gun is still aimed at my heart.

''Kill me, Harry. You're right, it will be easier for the both of us'' I say to him and I mean it. ''You wouldn't be hurt in the end and if I leave right now I have no where to go so I'm better off dead'' I say to him and reach my hand to the gun slowly, I put my hand on top of his and put my finger where the trigger is. Just as I pull the trigger, he moves the gun to the floor and the bullet goes there instead of my heart. He takes the gun harshly and removes my hand from it as he throws it on the floor and looks at me angrily. ''What the fuck is wrong with you!'' he yells at me and I look at him confused.

''Harry I have no one, everyone has abandoned me, I don't even know what I want anymore, I have nothing, I lost myself because I was so angry all the time and filled with sadness, I don't know anything anymore'' I say to him. ''If you could look at yourself through my eyes you would love yourself'' he says to me as a few tears slip down my cheeks. ''I will let you think and decide what you want Harry'' I say to him, I put my hand on his cheek and just peck his lips lightly, he doesn't respond, he just stands there and I move away from him.

I don't want him to look at me cry anymore, I don't want to be this helpless girl that needs to be saved and don't want him to look at me as this girl who he owes something to. He deserves someone with a stronger character than mine because if there is anything I know about me is that I am weak, I can't handle being hurt and I surely can't handle this cruel world, I wasn't born for it. I look at things differently than him and that is what makes it really hard for what we have between us to work.

I run away from as I go downstairs on the second floor and shut my bedroom door closed. I lean towards it as I continue to cry and slide down, I hug my knees to my chest. I don't like this feeling of loneliness, I have no body and he was my only chance of saving myself and being the old me. He was my only chance. If he is gone, I don't know what I would do, I have nothing without him and the promise he made me, has kept me going through this weeks, he is my only hope.