This is about to be long ,so buckle your seat belts kiddies. Also a part of this is a vent, wasn't meant to be, but it is.
I'm pretty sure that a lot of people have trouble talking with people. Like social anxiety or shyness ,stuff like that. I have a bit of anxiety and am shy towards certain people, but I tend to act strangely.
Like friendship, for example. Sometimes I try to be quiet and see who I can become friends with or just sit next to a group and make comments. Friendship is basically just having fun and helping each other to me. Pick a human who you get along with and do stuff with them!
Although, I'll admit that I have a tendency to get out of hand with making friends. When I find someone who I want to be friends with, it turns into animal channel. You know those documentaries or shows about predators chasing down their pray? That is basically me trying to befriend someone who I think is cool. Like, I get excited to talk to people I don't know that well and succeed!
I don't know about others ,but a stranger laughing at something that I laughed at or do is one of the best feelings ever. Just making other people happy can brighten the whole day.
Other than friendship, there is always the love category! I feel like the whole dating people ,breaking up, and then dating someone new is not for me. Nor being a player, a fuck buddy, one night stand, and whatever other term for a partner there is.
I wouldn't say my standards are up in the sky ,but they aren't in the dirt either. I just don't want to be with anyone who suddenly ask me out but whose personality I don't like. Somebody who doesn't like me. Or even someone who likes me but for the wrong cause and effect.
I just want to look into the future while living the present. Basically, I want to have a future with someone while we are still in the beginning! A good relationship, accepting the bad and good of each other, and being loyal! That would be a real dream come true to me.
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WARNING I'M ABOUT TO GET EMOTIONAL THIS IS BASICALLY MY OWN DIARY SO I CAN SAY THIS BUT IF YOU WANT TO SKIP GO AHEAD
My family is full of unhappy marriages and broken dreams, but whose family isn't like that. All the couples who got together for the sake of the kids but argued everyday in front of their kids. I remember seeing that before and it scared me shitless.
I just want something that will last and be happy. To be sure of that and my future offspring, I want to choose the right decision from the start. That is one of the dreams I've had since I was young so it means a lot to me.
Now, I'm pretty sure I'll regret writing this bit in, but I have to say my biggest weakness is people. I try to hard to impress, I let them walk all over me, or I just get so fed up that I crack.
My whole family seems to be filled with people who put on a straight face and don't let things bother them. That's the thing, though. You keep it inside, bottle it up like a soda, but what are you going to do when somebody drops a mentos or shakes it up?
You're going to explode sooner or later. That's exactly what happens multiple times ,but does anyone listen to what others have to say?
It's as if nobody understands what you're going through, well that's bullshit to me. It's called emotions. Millions of people feel it everyday. People try to help you ,but now you're so caught up in your own reality ,where everything is shit, that you don't even give a glance at those who care.
Other people would rely on you too much to the point where you're so touch starved or burst out in tears when someone thanks you because you're not used to being acknowledged! You might as well be the latest household appliance. You don't even get a please anymore because you let them lean too much. Well, I would understand it if you were a refrigerator or a computer, but you aren't! You are a person with a beating heart and life span just like them!
These are just a few things that I wanted to vent about. The venting is over until the next time I have something serious to say.
