Facing Him

Chapter 21- This Is Not The Answer

Lydia's POV
When we got to the hospital, I already knew he was dead and that made me numb inside. The doctors said that there was a chance he could still survive but I think they were just giving us false hope.

I feel numb. I can't eat, I can't move, I have this huge pain in my chest and all these different scenarios are going through my head.

What am I going to tell Haley?

One day this baby is going to ask us what happened to it's father and we aren't even going to know how to tell him.

How am I going to get my revenge?

Revenge and hatred were the only things on my mind. I want my fathers head for what he's done. I want him to suffer like everyone else did. I want him to be able to feel fear when he looks at me. I want him to feel the pain that I've been feeling for years. I want him dead. And I am going to kill him.

The minute I saw Haley my heart stopped. "Lydia! W-what happened?" She gives me a hug as tears fall down her face. "It was Carlyle." I said viciously, she shook her head.

"No. I don't understand! He was fine when he left!" Her voice started to sound hoarse from the crying, I told her to sit down because it's not good for the baby.

When the doctor came out, I knew what he was going to tell us. But I was worried for the sake of Haley and the baby, I don't know how much more of this she can take.

"Is he okay? What's going on?" Haley asks the doctor frantically, the doctor shakes his head. "One of the bullets hit a major artery and we tried everything we could. Unfortunately, as we were about to stitch him up, we lost him. I'm so sorry for your loss." I shook my head as tears fell down my face.

"No... no he can't be dead. He was just trying to save me! It should've been me! No. He's okay, he's not dead-"

"Lydia... He's gone." Haley had to try to snap me out of my denial phase, I just couldn't. I know I shouldn't show that I'm breaking for the sake of Haley but I broke down hard.

He was just here.

He was alive.

And now he's dead because of me.

I knew I shouldn't have gone to that stupid dance. If I wouldn't have gone then he could've still been alive.

It's all my fault.
Pipers POV
"Why are we just sitting here?! She needs us! We should be over there with her!" Brandon protests, Gray shakes his head. "She told us not to."

"Bullshit! Her brother just got killed! She needs us right now-"

"And what could we do for her huh? Gray, Vince and I are the only ones that have been nice to her! Nate, you told Grace to piss off so she told the whole wold Lydia's secret. Brandon, you told Lydia to get out of your life. And Blaire, you have been a bitch to her the past couple weeks and you went and told your psycho bitch of a sister everything! All of a sudden you all care because she's grieving? That's what I call bullshit! If she wouldn't have been fighting with all of you then she wouldn't have had all of this pain inside of her. She probably blames herself for this and all the self hatred is going to result in something huge. So if one of you want to go talk to her then go right ahead, don't expect her to forgive you."

Brandon grabbed his stuff and slammed the front door shut. I knew he was going to talk to her, let's just hope he's ready to see her like that.

Brandon's POV
I need to talk to her. I need to apologize. I need to say I'm sorry for her loss. I need to say so many things but there's probably no chance she's even gonna talk to me.

I rang the doorbell and saw Haley with bags and dark circles under her eyes. She looked awful, not that I blame her though considering the situation, but I just feel so bad.

"Lydia isn't here. Try looking for her at the park, that's her safe place." She slammed the door in my face before I could even say anything to her.

I ran to the park and finally found Lydia lying on the grass with her eyes closed. "What are you doing here?" I ask while looking down at her, she cringes at the sound of my voice.

"I'm seeing what it's like to be dead. It seems promising." She replies with a chuckle, I look at her uneasily. That was until I realized what was really going on. "Are you drunk?"

"Are you drunk?" She mimics while sitting up and looking in the other direction. She doesn't even want to look at me. "Lydia, look at me please-"

"Why? So you could tell me how much you hate me and how badly you want me to go away? Well I hate me too so thanks." She opens the flask she was holding and takes another swing of whatever was in it. I shake my head.

"I don't hate you-"

"That's bullshit and you know it Brandon. You wouldn't even give me a chance to explain myself before telling me how much you hated me. I actually loved you and I was going to tell you what really happened in Vegas but you didn't want to hear it. I hate myself! And I know you hate me too." She finally turned around and I melted at the look on her face. She looked so pale, and her makeup was all over her face from crying, I feel so bad.

"I was just angry Lydia. I'm not mad anymore, I don't hate you." She starts laughing and shakes her head. "Yes you do. See that's the secret, everyone hates me! My own damn father hates me. It should've been me that died, not Stefano!"

She went to take another drink but I slapped it out of her hands. "This isn't the answer! Drinking is not the answer to your problems-"

"Well maybe I'm not drinking to solve them! Maybe I'm drinking to end them!" This time a tear slipped down my face. "So that's it huh? You're gonna let that bastard win? What about Haley? What about the baby? That baby is going to grow up without a father and it is all your fathers fault. They need you! Don't take the cowards way out. Fight until you can't fight anymore, you once told me that was what your mother said in the letter she left you before she died. So stop sitting here and trying to kill yourself! Get the fuck up and do something about it! Fight back."

"Don't you get it? He will kill everyone I love! He did it before and he's doing it again. I've found out way too many things this month that I probably shouldn't even know and I feel like I'm going to explode-"

"Good. Now use that anger and sadness to fight back. Do whatever you have to in order to fight back. Fight until you can't fight anymore. Get your ass up and start fighting. If not for me or your friends, then fight for Haley and the baby, fight for your life, and fight for all those you have lost." I know I probably shouldn't be giving her this advice but she needs to hear it. I refuse to watch her slowly kill herself. She needs closure and this might be the only way to do it.

"They are all dead because I let them in. I can't afford to let that happen again. I need to let go of the past in order to win this." Wait, that's not what I meant!

"You're right. I have to fight back and that is exactly what I plan on doing. I have to go, goodbye." She gave me a long passionate kiss before making a run for it.

What the fuck did I just do?

Lydia's POV
I knew what I had to do. I'm going to do this. Enough tears, enough crying, it's time to channel my anger.

I ran upstairs and got my duffle bag. I had to start writing letters again. I have to do this. I'm going to say goodbye.

I got in my car and started driving. When I finally reached my destination it was six in the morning, hopefully this will work. Otherwise everything was for nothing.

I rang the doorbell and a few minutes later the door swung open. "I need your help."

———————————————————————-
Sorry for the cliffhanger guys, this chapter was sort of supposed to be a part 2 of the last chapter which is why it was so short. But anyways, what do you thing is happening? Where did Lydia go? What is she planning? Who was at the door? Was it an old friend? Poor Haley, what's going to happen to her and the baby? Comment what you think, and don't forget to vote!

~Jen